Graeme McDowell Enjoys Cell Phones

This is a picture of Graeme McDowell at the CA Championship. If you need to reach him, I'd just randomly dial a compilation of 10 numbers, because there is a good chance you'll reach him. Seriously, 111-111-1111 might be one of his many cells. I'd try it right now if I was you.

Up Next? Burrito's Obligatory Sex Scandal

This is a video of a Chihuahua named Burrito playing some golf and wearing an absolutely adorable (albeit ridiculous) golfing outfit. The owner of the dog says that Burrito is her life, and although it takes a while for the little guy to take it back, he eventually knocks it in the hole.

The expression is priceless.



via Warming Glow

How GQ Nailed What We've Been Thinking All Along

if the Tiger Woods scandal had happened even ten years ago, the world would have approached it a different way. Sure, people would have been in an uproar, but the only real news outlets at that time were newspapers and television, and it would have been our headline for a week and we would have moved on.

Now, however, journalists, bloggers, and writers alike have endless opportunity to write, and must, to keep up with this technological age. If Journey had been born a few decades later, the song might have gone something like, "Don't Stop Bloggin'," and it's true. You can't, because if you do, you'll be passed up fast.

That's why we keep speculating on Tiger. For golf writers, it is the only thing to do. It's what gets readers and stirs the pot and has people on one side or the other.

The bottom line is quite the opposite though ... everyone will forgive this guy the moment he starts winning again. Don't believe me? Look at this great point in the recent profile of Kobe Bryant by GQ.

In the same vein, it's hard not to think of Bryant when people talk about Tiger Woods, whose public fall also came after knee surgery and a sex scandal. It's hard not to think of Bryant when people wonder if Woods is done, if he'll forever wander in the wilderness, hemorrhaging sponsors and fans. Once upon a time, they were asking the same thing about Bryant. Now Bryant's back, all the way back, the wilderness like a bad dream. When he dives for a ball at Staples Center, landing in the front row, the fans cheer and yell: "We love you, Kobe!" And they're all wearing his jersey. Life is good. Life is great. So he doesn't want to talk about the past. He can't, he won't, and if a few fans or writers can't stop talking about it, so be it.

This is, more or less, the exact same thing that happened to the world's best basketball player years ago. A cheat, a home-wrecker, a selfish asshole that everyone loved to hate even more. Now? We see Kobe for what he is ... an incredible basketball player that comes through in the clutch countless times over and nothing more. He isn't changing my life outside of my basketball viewing, and we have comes to terms with this.

Before Thanksgiving 2009, Tiger was expected to be more than that. He was expected to be a saint; an athlete that defies perfection and makes every parent aspire to birth a kid this wonderful.

Now, when Tiger returns, he will be just another golfer, but with a different pedigree. This is going to be the golfer that we've always wanted ... a dark character that still shields his life from us, but we all know more than we used to. He will win tournaments. He will win majors. Sponsors will return and we will all applaud when on the 18th at Augusta in 20-whatever, he is standing over a birdie putt for another green jacket, and when the putt drops dead center, like it always does, the group of people you're around will all look at each other, wide-eyed, mouths agape, with that expression like someone just jumped 30 cars riding a tricycle. "How can we always do this," we will wonder aloud, and high fives will be had.

For now, he is still the punk that cheated on his wife with any female loose enough to spread her legs for the 15 minutes it takes to possibly ruin a career. In the coming months, when he returns, he will just be a golfer ... a damn fine golfer, but a golfer.

Maybe that's what we've always wanted from this guy to begin with.

The Big Golf Controversy is Finally Resolved!!!!

HOORAY, HOORAY! Tiger Woods is coming back to the PGA Tour!!

Umm, damn ... you're telling me it isn't that controversy? It deals with wedges?

See, this is what happens when Tiger Woods takes all this time off. We all start making bigger deals out of things that aren't really big deals to begin with.

Yep, the controversy that is the Ping Eye-2 wedges versus the PGA Tour is done, as Ping has agreed to stop the silliest golf fight ever. The wedges are now non-conforming, meaning you'll never see the boxy early '90s wedge again. Ever.

"John Solheim and Ping had a terrific opportunity to do something very positive and significant for the game of golf and we very much appreciate his willingness to take this action," said PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem.

Alright, I'm happy. As long as we never have to speak of the Ping Eye-2 wedges again, this is great news.

Now, back to tossing darts at my Tiger Woods calender in hopes of hitting the correct date he returns.

The Oscars Will be Tiger Woods Joke Free

Rumors swirled the last few weeks about the Oscars nixing Sacha Baron Cohen from hosting duties because he would be too inappropriate. The fun doesn't stop there, however, because retirement center performers hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin aren't allowed to make any Tiger Woods jokes during the Sunday Hollywood celebrity massage.

Academy Awards bosses deleted a series of rude Tiger Woods jokes from the script. A well-placed source tells us writers penned cracks about the golfer's cheating scandal for hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin to deliver. But the lines have been nixed by producers. The source said, "Some of the Tiger jokes were deemed too rude."

Yeah, nothing like being forced to avoid the biggest subject of the last four months.

Maybe they'll also not talk about that blue person movie that the guy from "Titanic" directed.

TMZ Covers Tiger, and It Ain't Pretty

Tiger Woods staged some photos for Getty Images last week so that a legit news organization would be the first ones with pictures, a slight dig to the gossip websites of the world like TMZ.

On Friday, TMZ posted the above photo, with the headline, "Tiger Woods -- the first unstaged golf photos." It was their attempt to get something exclusive, and they did, in a way. Sure, they are grainy and look like they were taken with a StarTech camera phone, but they are exclusive and nobody else has them.

And this is where the continued problem with TMZ lies. See, they send out some photographers to get a photo and that is their story, damn the copy. Don't believe me? This is the introduction to their story on Tiger with this picture.

Tiger Woods is golfing like a man possessed -- hitting ball after ball after ball at the golf course near his home in Isleworth ... and TMZ has obtained the first unstaged photos of Woods back in action.

Yes, hitting "ball after ball ball" sure isn't a valid description of something practicing, or "golfing like a man possessed." Anyone that has gone to the range has hit a big bucket of balls, normally in the 150-200 ball range. That's practice. It's what you do to get better.

So, how long did he practice for?

Woods hit the course yesterday with 2 male companions and practiced his ass off from 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM -- working on everything from drives to pitches and putts.

Humm ... golf is his job ... he is trying to get his game under control ... he was on the course all day ... seems pretty normal to me. I'm not dogging TMZ for what they do. It's something that is out there and we all use at times and we aren't always proud we do it. Gossip is gossip, and no matter how much you're against it, we all are interested by it.

What I hate is that they paste "exclusive" on something, watermark a photo and mail in the rest of the story like they could care less with what it said.

The closing sentence? "And with that news ... Phil Mickelson probably needs a fresh pair of undies." I'm pretty sure the last thing Mickelson cares about at this point is when Woods is returning.

Jack Nicklaus Has Spoken: Tiger Will Play Masters

If there is one person Tiger Woods looks up to (and no, I'm not thinking Wilt Chamberlain) it is Jack Nicklaus. As the famous story goes, when Tiger was younger he hung Playboy centerfolds a list of all Jack's majors and claimed he'd one day beat* that record.

So, when Jack speaks, Tiger normally listens and that's why I think the recent announcement that Nicklaus thinks Tiger will be in the Masters field means Tiger will most likely be in the Masters field.

"I suspect he'll play something before Augusta," Nicklaus said behind the 18th green at PGA National, where the Honda Classic opens on Thursday. "Your guess is as good as mine. I'd be very surprised if he doesn't play something before Augusta."

As I pointed out over at Devil Ball, Tiger has until 5 PM on Friday to sign up for the CA Championship that begins next week, but has plenty of time to prepare for Bay Hill, which would be the most likely return if he is going to be at Augusta National.

Tiger has always made it known that he'd never play a tournament unless he felt he could win, and while these circumstances are very different than his previous problems, he still isn't going to Augusta without a feel that he could conquer the field.

That said, Charles Howell III was hitting balls next to Tiger the other day and said he looked great and was hitting the ball like he always does (Note: Very good), it just goes back to that "tournament form" that most golfers don't totally understand. Hitting good shots on the range is one thing, being ready for a tournament is a whole other beast.

But, as we know, if there is one golfer that could do it, it's TW.

* - for the record, I could have made another sex joke there, but decided two in one paragraph is plenty. That horse has been hit so many times it looks like roadkill.