Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sorting out the Fedex Cup

So last winter the PGA of America guys are sitting around a table, similar to those David Feherty commercials I assume, trying to figure out a perfect solution to the lack of golf interest. They battle with an idea of moving back a major, trying to hype the President Cup, and finally come up with this Fedex Cup, and then what happens? Steve Freakin' Stricker is leading the damn thing after day one.

I can only imagine that those same men are sitting in front of the televisions with the same hope for a choke job that the producers were in "Tin Cup" when he took the lead and they were complaining about a "driving range pro" winning the tournament.

Stricker is a nice guy, a great story, and could probably use the retirement money eons more than Mr. Woods, but that isn't what makes the cover of Sports Illustrated, does it?

No matter the outcome of week uno, Tiger is in the field this week and if you at his results this year it would be hard to expect anyone else to take the Deutsche Bank Championship this weekend in Boston.

No matter, the Fedex Cup has started out with a little sputter of the engine, but could get a much needed boost this week if El Tigre could find himself in the hunt come Sunday. I wonder if Tiger getting a $10 million dollar retirement check is similar to Paris Hilton getting extra change?

Sunday, August 12, 2007


As Tiger makes his way to the 18th green, with 30 feet and three putts to secure his 13th major championship, you have to sit back and marvel at his greatness under the largest of pressures.

Sure, this time it was Woody Allen, a lesser known tour veteran that is probably best known for beating his own head in with his putter, but that is the most impressive thing - no matter what the randomness of people that compete against him, Tiger is always there, always impressive, always composed, and always the best.

This might have been the hardest for Tiger to win with a big lead, but that is probably just a respectable look at what Mr. Woods has done for this sport - take it from obscure hobby to worldwide love.

The different in Tiger and anybody else with a three shot lead on Sunday - did you ever really think that he was going to lose this thing? Was there ever any doubt, even after the three-putt bogey on 14? Hats off to The Swoosh - he never lets us down.

The last of good news for El Tigre - Boo Weekley was nowhere near his scorecard.

Getty Images photo

I Like Tiger's Chances

So the final round is underway and Mr. Woods will be doing what Mr. Woods does - hit a lot of 2-irons, play a little Bethpage Black golf and one of his trailers shoot a 64 or 65 to have a chance.

The only problem - the guys chancing him are Woody Austin, arguably the most nervous golfer on tour, and, well, Stephen Ames (bogeyed his first two holes, still looks more like a tennis player than golfer).

I am one of the many golf fans that love when Tiger is in the picture because of his incredible demeanor and reign over this stupid sport, but there is a fine line to what I love. Tiger can win and I'll be pleased, but when he has more than a two shot lead, it is pretty boring to view. I mean, he just makes a ton of pars and never really tries to hit those crazy Stretch Armstrong-like iron shots from the rough.

Ernie Els is four shots back after Tiger's bogey on two, and is in red figures for the day, so maybe if he could post a round less than 67 it might produce a little chatter, but everyone is chasing the one guy nobody wants to be chasing.

Also, some Englishman named Simon Dyson shot a 64 today to jump into the top-10. If he could have combined with Graham Storm (65 in the first round) in some sort of a country-like best ball thing, that team would really be in the hunt.

If you want anything else on the final round, check out Sons of Sam Malone for a stiffer drink.

Why No Charles?

if you are up and accidentally missed church, you are most likely tuning to the TNT early round coverage of the PGA Championship.

The simple question I have - what sense does it make not to have Charles Barkley in the booth for a couple of hours? I mean, he's under contract with TNT, he is a religious golf fanatic (and man is he GOOOOOD), and he is the funniest person on television.

Well, the network probably has it figured out - I'm sure Bobby Clampett gains more viewers than Barkley would making fun of everybody's butt sweat. My bad - that would be a terrible idea.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Yawn, Stretch, Do Over

Tiger is winning. Every single time I look up he's up another shot.

I wish Woody Austin would hit himself over the head with his putter again or Daly would get a stripper to caddy for him on the last four holes.

Sergio's Solid Month Continues

For some odd reason, Sergio Garcia decided he wanted to make last place money this week after making the cut. The humble, content, lucky El Nino signed an incorrect scorecard and got disqualified, so yeah, this will be another summer to forget for that Garcia guy.

Also, Tiger made par on one, and John Daly is still hitting driver on every hole, even the par-3s. Good times!

Friday, August 10, 2007

The John Daly Conundrum

I've been getting a lot of mixed reviews about everyones favorite insane golfer, John Daly, and I had to weigh in (get it, weigh in...John Daly...slightly overweight, that is an amazing drop).

So he's crazy - he had a ton of talent that he never really had to work at and won two majors on absolute raw talent, man hit ball far. He's landed in more off field troubles than entire football teams, mostly in the immature realm of trashing hotel rooms and gambling away hundreds of thousands of dollars while chugging Jack Daniels by the handle and autographing fat girls tits with your shirt off.

No matter, Daly is pretty much what you look for in entertainment. The guy does what most golfers only dream of - smokes the ball miles, hits driver on every hole and thinks that not playing practice rounds (the most monotonous part of professional golf) is the best approach to a major championship. He makes you laugh, shrug your shoulders and hope for the best.

No matter if you hate him for wasting away his glory years or love him for his real life Roy McAvoy-ness, he's an absolute hoot.

63, WEE HEE!!!!

I didn't watch a second of the round today (had my own round to bogey away), but the highlights pretty much say it all - Tiger Woods makes this game look like Hungry, Hungry Hippo.

El Tigre impressed everyone, shooting a 7-under 63 that included a bogey and an intense lip-out on the final hole for the all-time scoring record at a major. My uncle made the best point about the near 62 - if that putt would have dropped we would have never been subjected to any Johnny Miller 63 talk ever again.

I guess instituting a "Tiger just being Tiger" phrase to the golf world would be the most definitive of the past two weeks, with Woods carding a 63 in the final round of the Bridgestone and now at Southern Hills, a place Tiger had only broke 69 once in eight competitive rounds.

This round was reminiscent of Tiger's third round at Oakmont this year, except the putts went in today and the score reflected his dominance over the current golf world.

Beware field - the guy looks pretty 2001 to me.

Credit Maxx Wolfson - Sexy Beast and Getty Images Maestro

The Storm Has Passed, Tiger Still Dorky

Just in case you were worried that Graham Storm was going to run away with this PGA Championship, no worries. The Englishman shot 6-over 76 today, making only five pars the entire day on a scorecard that looks like an abstract painting. Storm made just one less birdie than he did on his bogey-free round yesterday, but made eight bogeys and a double.

Also, El Tigre decided to be as Stanford as possible, wearing a zip-up polo shirt for his round today. I know that those things were really cool for about a month in the late 90s, but not so much anymore. I think of zip-up polos with people like Charles Howell III and Paul Casey but not Tiger. I wonder if this will effect his Who's Now? status.

For the golf tournament, Stephen "Molsons Tastes Great!" Ames and Scott Verplank are tied for the lead at 4-under. Behind them is your favorite and my hero, Johnathon Daly, who has yet to tee of and decided to start his morning by taking a bath in Diet Coke while mouth-washing with Diet Coke. His round should be interesting if Carnoustie was any indication of how he does at the top of the leader board these days (HAIRBALL!).

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Daly Reminder that Daly Isn't Dead (or Stabbed)

Anytime John Daly is in the news for anything related to good golf, it is a good time.

Big John shot a 3-under 67, taking the clubhouse lead in the PGA Championship and striking up clubhouse chatter that Daly is definitely using steroids. Also, I just heard Daly say that he copes with the heat by "drinking diet cokes, smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes" - you have to love this guy.

Maybe the bigger story of the day is the regurgitation of Tiger Woods, going from 3-under to 1-over in a matter of ten holes. Woods made four bogeys on his inward nine holes, making my previous post look like absolute boohockey.

Some character named Graham Storm (the real spelling of his first name is Graeme but I refuse to call him that) is leading at 4-under but has nine more holes to play, so I say he finishes with a 69.

One thing to remember - if it's hot outside, make sure to pack a ton of Diet Coke.

Over Before It Started?

It appears that Tiger Woods is going to try and shut he door on this thing before anyone has a chance to enjoy it.

Woods has hit every fairway and green thus far and is 3-under for the tournament, one shot behind some guy named Markus Brier who I'm sure worries Woods to his inner core.

I know how he is playing only because I'm checking live scoring online, not because TNT would take the insanely drastic measure of showing El Tigre's round live. No, I'm sure re-runs of "Charmed" land a ton more viewers than Tiger Woods playing (well, nonetheless) in a major championship.

Some other interesting notables - Sergio Garcia is 2-under, along with John Daly (GIZZARD!), Colin Montgomerie and Lee Westwood. Retief Goosen is 1-under and Ernie Els is even par. Check back throughout the day with some rather poor insight into the wonderful world of Southern Hills.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Get Excited for Oklahoma!

Since someone told me it's Wednesday (I haven't known the day of the week since college graduation two years ago), I'm assuming that the PGA Championship starts tomorrow.

If you haven't check it out, click on my preview over at Deadspin and if that doesn't tickle your fancy, hit up Sons of Sam Malone for a better preview and probably better diction.

At last Southern Hills is here, so expect to see a lot of sweat stains and reports of obese spectators passing out as they walk from the 7th green to the 8th tee. ENJOY!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Heat - It's HOT!

The forecast for the PGA Championship has been revealed and it looks like it will be sizzling at Southern Hills (104 MY GOODNESS!).

People are making a big deal about this which is hard for me to understand (do some of the golfers have to wear parkas?), but at least it gives some of these athletes a chance to sweat both physically and mentally.

Strangely, I have a feeling this is going to benefit Tiger (no idea why).

Monday, August 6, 2007

Reviewing Southern Hills - 2007 PGA Championship Week

The last major of the year begins this week, with your last chance to watch Phil Mickelson struggle on the links (only for two days!) and the last chance for Tiger Woods to notch a major.

With the majors being favorable to both first time winners and cigarette smokers this year, it will be interesting to see if a veteran can up his major total (that being Tiger) or if someone random hacker will again take home the Wanamaker Trophy. With the PGA Championship being the kindest of majors to first time winners (think Shaun Micheel and Richard Beem), it would make the most sense if someone like Ben Curtis notched his first major victory (Wait a minute...he's won one before? When? THE BRITISH OPEN!?! That has to be a typo).

It seems fair to say Tiger will most likely win, especially after he dry humped the field at Firestone. Woods struggled in the first round of the '01 Open, but bounced back from that 74 to finished 12th, seven shots behind the Goose.

(Random thought - Why did it take so long for Grey Goose to sponsor Retief? First, he's a clean cut, classy looking fellow. Second, he plays golf, the only true "sport" where most people drink alcohol before, during and after the round. Third, HIS LAST NAME IS GOOSEN! I mean, I'm not a Marketing major or anything, but wouldn't this be a fairly obvious move? It would be like Phil Knight decided to name his company "LeBron James-y" in 1972 instead of Nike and then passing him off to Reebok when he came into the league).

If I were to pick an early first-time winner, I would have to go with Andres Romero from Argentina. After finishing third at the British Open (the confidence builder), he won next week at Deutsche Bank Players' Championship of Europe and then finished sixth this past week at the Bridestone.

He's young, hits the ball forever and would make for an amazingly hilarious Gland Slam of Golf if two of the four golfers were speaking Spanish the entire time as Johnny Miller tries to translate.

Sunday, August 5, 2007


I think my love for Tiger will never surpass the man-crush status (Even if he is NOW!), but watching him draw up Firestone right now is absolutely spectacular.

He made four birdies in his first six holes, and is nearing the end of his round without a bogey. With an eight shot lead, I think you can go ahead and card his fourth victory of the year.

I know everyone sees his dominance, but it is so hard to actually understand it. The man always is in the hunt, and wins just when you start to forget about his last victory.

I really hope that El Tigre wins at Southern Hills so that people don't complain about him finishing 2007 without a major title, because that would be selling even the best a little short.

Jump on the bandwagon and he always impresses, start to doubt him and he makes you look like a fool. Play on Mr. Woods - anyone that straps on his weekly spikes applauds your brilliance.

(Oh, and Rory Sabbatini is five-over through 16 holes, in case you were interested in that sort of thing)

Saturday, August 4, 2007

The Swoosh vs. Some Guy Paid by the Swoosh

If Rory "Belt buckles are my calling" Sabbatini has ever had a chance to back up his ever-running mouth, this would be it.

The South African Wildcat (UA!) is sleeping on the lead at the Bridgestone Invitational over an always lurking Tiger Woods, who will play with Sabbatini and is only one shot back.

Woods has a couple of things going for him, none more than the fact that he owns Firestone Country Club like David Letterman owns one-liners, winning at the venue five times.

I see this as one of those made-for-Tiger moments, the time when everyone gives Sabbatini the edge for some crazy unknown reason and Woods just treats him like a Sam Alexis diaper.

Personally, I hope El Tiger dismantles the kid, proving once again that he is at his best when people aren't quite convinced of his ability.