Romero wins in New Orleans

I might be partial since I played that damn Carnoustie golf course a couple of years ago, but Andres Romero performance in the last round of the British Open was one of the craziest, yet impressive, 18 holes you'll ever see.

The kid made a total of four pars in the last round of the Open, shooting a 67 to miss out on the playoff by a shot, a round that included ten birdies on what some would consider the hardest course in the world.

As you know, Romero won his first PGA Tour tournament at the age of 26 yesterday in New Orleans, beating out a field that all seemed to forget how to play pressure golf in the closing holes.

The most notable stumble came from Woody Austin, who trumped his Aquaman impression by doing the "near whiff" impression on the 72nd hole where he needed a birdie to tie Romero. Instead, Woody hit his third shot about 11 yards, and his fourth into the drink right of the green. Sadly, no rain gear was needed to hack that ball out the gunk. Austin's double-bogey on the last hole, from one of the most nervous guys on tour, lead to a great interview after the round from the always amusing Woody.

"I choked my guts out. I flat-out played like a dog the last nine holes. I'm not afraid to admit it."

The Shell Houston Open is all that stands in the way of us and the Masters, which I couldn't be more excited if I was in the field (lie).

Well That Sure Was a Good Idea

I know that bloggers in general tend to hate on ESPN, some of it warranted, some of it because there really isn't anyone else to make fun of (name a friend that watches Fox Sports, really).

With ESPN hosting the first two rounds of The Masters this year, a few people, me included, were worried the WWL would end up throwing up on the beautiful white dress that is Masters coverage.

It appears they have decided to go the other way, with a great decision to televise the par-3 tournament on Wednesday at Augusta.

People that are richer than I that have attended the Masters have told me that some of the best parts of the week are the practice rounds and the par-3 tournament on Wednesday. You get to see a lot of the golfers, that normally show the personality of a coffee table, show emotion, laugh a little, and even play that "try to win without winning because nobody has ever won the Masters after having won the par-3 tournament" game.

Anyway, kudos to ESPN for this decision. Any golf fan worth their weight in tees will be tuning in or DVR-ing this thing.

(It must be a leaf-turning day here at DTCC. I just congratulated ESPN and showed a picture that puts Mickelson in a good light. Hey, it is Sunday.)

Getting to know Your Zurich Open Leader...

We all know and love Dean Wilson, the 6 ft., 175 lb. golfer that turned pro in 1992.

The big question here is, do you really know Dean Wilson, the leader at the Zurich Open in New Orleans at seven-under early in his second round.

Some fun facts about Wilson -

-Went to BYU
-Was born in Hawaii! (Neat!)
-Has this YouTube clip that's been viewed 3,665 times.
-Went to BYU
-Random Fact - Wilson was a bit of a prankster as an undergraduate: Once, on a dare, he ate an entire bunch of bananas while waiting in an all-you-can-eat buffet line. (So Goofy That Dean Wilson!)
-Random Fact - Dean loves any sport involving bulls - Bull riding both real and mechanical bulls or just running with the bulls (in Pamplona)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dean Wilson!

Briny Baird, Your True PGA Golfer

When I lived in Fort Worth, Texas for a summer, I bought Colonial tickets to my first non-Tucson Open PGA Tournament, you know, a golf tournament with actual guys you've heard of.

Anyway, I was going to a gas station on Friday, presumably to get a Red Bull, and ran into Briny Baird buying something. I never talk to sports figures, but I thought since it's Briny Baird, who cares. I told him something lame like, "Hit it well this weekend Briny" and the guy flipped around and looked at me like I'd hit him in the ass with a bowling ball.

Point of story - I don't think Briny Baird deals with a lot of fame-hungry fans.

Anyway, my boy is five-under in the first round of the Zurich Open, a round that included a hole-out from 208 yards for eagle. That's pretty impressive for a guy that is sponsored by P.F. Changs (I'm still convinced they aren't sure what sport he plays).

Dean Wilson is leading at six-under for the day. Dean Wilson and Briny Baird - the Zurich people must be jumping around like kids on a trampoline that they put down millions to sponsor the event.

Maybe, Just Maybe, The Wrong Choice of Words

I'm far from the PC police, but I thought this sentence on the front page of PGAtour.com could have used a little perspective.

Robert Karlsson has an idea of what it takes to survive in New Orleans this week. Nice and steady, he was 3 under at the turn.

I checked, and Karlsson is from Sweden, so no levies have broke down in his area for a very long time. Maybe "has an idea on how to win" could have been more appropriate. Just a thought....

A Good Week to Try and Win a Golf Tourney

You have to love these down weeks on the PGA Tour, a valley in between a manic two weeks and the Masters creeping closer and closer.

Tiger Woods is (obviously) not playing, included in the notable no-shows with Mickelson, Ernie Els, Vijay, Sergio, Adam Scott, and Louisiana native David Toms.

It is one of those weeks on tour where, if you're hitting it decent, you could go out and grab that first win and a couple more years of job security.

Personally, I like these weeks because you really have no clue who is going to win, kinda like those days before Tiger showed up and won everything and made "golf experts" look like Nostradamus.

They are playing a pretty solid TPC course built for the event, and as long as nobody else gets shot while lining up a birdie putt, it should be a good week for one person. I'm picking Steve Marino, just because the guy makes so many damn birdies and a lot of random winners pick up a victory in New Orleans.

(On a side note, what happened to Jim Furyk? I know he was injured and all that, but the guy won once in the last two years after being coined the most consistent golfer ever, having just about every golf analyst ever gush over his incredible internal fortitude. Anyway, I found it interesting that an injury could knock off the former U.S. Open so much. Just a question...)

Davis Love III, Maybe Not Augusta-Bound

We all know Davis Love III as one of those golfers that everyone gawked about for years until they are realized one thing - the guy isn't really that great.

Sure, he won the 1997 PGA Championship and took home the 2003 Players Championship after a flawless eight-under 64, one Fred Couples said was "one of the best rounds I've ever seen played."

Other than those wins, Love has underachieved, and is in danger of breaking a streak of 17 Masters in a row, dating back to 1991.

Love is in the field for the Zurich Classic, and a win would put him in the field at Augusta. Also, if 100 of the top golfers died, he would also get in the field.

Joakim Noah, Picture Perfect Form

ESPN.com ran a rather entertaining segment on what veteran basketball players this rookie class should form their game after.

For example, Kevin Durant should watch Allen Iverson and mirror the Nuggets toughness and determination. Get it, alright?

Joakim Noah was told to emulate Dirk Nowitzki, because Dirk is such a good big man shooter and, I guess, watching Dirk would make Joakim a better shooter? I'm not really sure, but I did find the accompanying photo of Noah extremely entertaining, especially since the paragraph was about his shooting.

Nice form Joakim.

New Orleans - beignets, Hornets and the Chance of Getting Shot at a Golf Tournament

So, you're a celebrity chef and you're sweating away at the grill, getting your food ready for a week of tourists excited to watch some PGA Golf while enjoying your cuisine.

You know, that is until you get shot by a stray bullet at 9:30 AM on a Tuesday.

Yep, "celebrity" chef Paul Prudhomme was capped in what appeared to be a vicious attack on his boudan. The amazing thing - Prudhomme just kept on cooking, the same way most would if they broke a nail or got a splinter (a little one, big ones hurt).

I can promise you one thing - nothing says "moving in the right direction for your city" like having to worry about stray bullets at a PGA Tour event. I'm almost positive they should stick this fun fact in the "New Orleans:Rebuilding" brochure.


Thanks 100% Injury Rate for the tip.

Fairly Entertaining Read

If you're bored and need to read a fairly entertaining article on a grown, married man stalking the one and only Tiger Woods, check this out.

To be fair, the author is writing a book about watching Tiger play golf at every tournament in 2008, so I'll be nice and change stalking to "following intently."

Attention to All Pros Other Than Tiger, Don't Show Up To Any of the Majors, Apparently

I'm all for projections, predictions and prophesizing about the future of sports, but I think at times we take it a little too far.

Sure, Tiger Woods is playing exceptional golf right now, but is it really the time to be giving him the Grand Slam?

I agree, Tiger is playing three venues that set up excellent for him. Augusta National (for obvious reasons), Torrey Pines (ditto) and Royal Birkdale, where he finished one shot back of Mark O'Meara in the 1998 British Open.

The thing about the Grand Slam talk that is a huge snag is the fact that Tiger hasn't even played in a major yet this year.

If Hunter Mahan or Retief Goosen head into the Masters playing lights out, this conversation is a waste. Obviously Tiger handles pressure better than anyone, but I think we deserve to let the coals of this fire burn a little before tossing on all the pine needles.

Say Tiger takes home the green jacket, dominates the U.S. Open like most believe he will and heads across the pond the front-runner, then it might be ok to print these columns. As for now, why don't we leave the end of the year to our crazy, golf imagination.

I guess you could say it's a compliment to his dominance that this even comes off our tongues. Some would say a career is made by winning one major - a lot think Tiger could notch four before Halloween.

D.J. Augustin Might Not Have Tiger-like Nerves

I haven't seen a lot about this, so thought I'd mention it again. In the Miami-Texas game, with the pressure pounding, the Longhorns best player and First Team All-American D.J. Augustin air balled the first free throw with his team up by two.

I've shot a ton of free throws in my day, and I've never been a Salim Stoudamire at the line, but I have never, EVER missed rim. I said this to a buddy and I want everyone to know this for life - I will never bet on a D.J. Augustin led team the rest of my days.

Not Texas, not his pro team, not even if he's asked to be a commentator and needs to make a clutch call in a tight game to draw the crowd in. My gambling plans from here on out is to bet against D.J.

Air ball it? Seriously?

The Tavistock Cup? WTF....

I went home today for lunch, was flipping through the vast world of television channels Comcast sends me, and saw "golf" on one of the HD channels.

I clicked on it, and it was "LIVE coverage" and Tiger was hitting a bunker shot.

Now I don't know a lot, but I'm pretty sure Tiger doesn't play a lot of golf on Monday. Like usual I was wrong, and they're playing something called the Tavistock Cup or something like that.

It must be pretty cool because if you make a hole-in-one on one of the par-3s you win a $55,000 golf swing simulator. Now you're talking my language!!!

According to Wikipedia, The Tavistock Cup is, "a unique team event that pits the touring golf professional members of Isleworth Golf & Country Club verses their counterparts at Lake Nona Golf & Country Club."

Oh, ok, now I got it.

Two big questions I have about this thing.

First, when did this thing start and how did I not know about it?

Second, how in the hell do they get these touring pros to play in this thing on a Monday and Tuesday? Tiger charges Dubai like three million to even show up, and he's playing in this thing? What next, pairing with me in the Dobson Summer Sizzler?

In Honor of the Tiger Run

Since Tiger Woods streak of five straight PGA Tour wins is finally dead to us, I thought it would be worth throwing out a couple of insane numbers from those five tourneys.

First, you have to note that all the numbers, except money, are for just four tournaments, since one was the match-play with no official scores. Also, note that we're not including the 22-under performance, including a second round 62, that Tiger posted at the Target World Challenge. Ok, got it, lets go.

-74 - Amount of strokes under par El Tigre was in the four stroke play events he won. Yeah, 74-under, not a typo.

2 out of 16 - rounds in the 70s Tiger shot over the stretch.

10 out of 16 - rounds Tiger shot 66 or lower.

2 - Rounds of 63 Tiger shot over the stretch.

5,850,000 - Amount Tiger won over the five tournament stretch.

So, that is fairly impressive. Also, Tiger has almost twice as many FedEx Cup points as second place, Phil Mickelson, in three less tournaments. Nice swing, Tiger.

Wow, It Sure is Nice Not Holding the Microphone

I'd like to preface this by making sure everyone understands this - I think I'm an idiot.

Ok, everyone got that?

Anyway, a cool golf website called Oobgolf sent me an email about a possible interview because of this here site. I told him that'd be fine, as long as I could keep my pants on and didn't have to speak of July 16, 2004 (don't ask).

So, the interview is here if you're into that sort of thing.

Pars are Good Sometimes

Geoff Ogilvy officially won the WGC event at Doral this morning in Tiger-esque fashion with a closing birdie to hold off Vijay Singh, Jim Furyk and Retief Goosen by making pars on his last 11 holes.

I guess when you build yourself a five-shot lead, pars are pretty damn important, but come on, how boring can you get?

I've always wondered something - if Puma or Nike send you shirts for the week, and it is rained out until a Monday, do you have to go to the local Golfsmith and just buy another one? I'd probably just re-wear the Thursday attire, but that's just me.

Also, I'm obsessed with this picture. For some reason, I now think Geoff Ogilvy and Tyler Hansbrough would be good friends.

Golf to Watch, If you're Jobless or Homeless

If I had to guess days of the year where people land in the office like college kids after a week Spring Break in Cabo, this would be the one.

Grown men and women with bags under their eyes, having just consumed more college basketball in four days than they probably watched all year. Everyone mailed in the Thursday and Friday of last week, either by "working" with CBS Sportsline blaring on their computer screen or by just not coming in for those days. Either way, Monday is one of those catch-up work days when you seem to be slamming on the gas until well after five.

So, after barreling through that paragraph, know this - if you don't have a job, golf is finishing up at Doral and Geoff Ogilvy looks like he is going to capture the crown.

Tiger put up a valiant effort this morning, shooting a four-under 68 that included three birdies on the back nine. He will probably fall two shots shot of a tie with Ogilvy, who has made only one bogey the entire tournament.

Good run Tiger, it was pretty amazing to watch.

I Really Hope You have Stephen Curry on Your NCAA Fantasy Team

I never thought I'd say any random March Madness player would eclipse my love for Bryce Drew, but Stephen Curry might have done it.

The scrappy ass kid that looks all of 14 had 30 points today in their upset over Georgetown after scoring 40 points against Gonzaga on Friday.

Yep, 70 points in two days for the only guy on the court that might be mistaken for the towel boy.

I asked for some excitement, and this game and the Tennessee-Butler game sure brought it.

An Honest Question....

How does Wayne Chism's headband stay on his head?

Easter Sunday Needs a Bit of A Jump Start

So far we've seen Villanova win a rather boring basketball game against Siena and now I'm watching Texas slaughter Miami in typical Longhorn form.

The problem is you can't switch over to golf because there is another weather delay at Doral and every time I turn to NBC they are showing a different replay of one of the holes from either this morning or yesterday of '05 and I'm so confused I keep thinking David Duval might be in the hunt.

Georgetown and Western Kentucky aren't making their games any more entertaining to watch as they are exploiting Davidson and San Diego, so I guess what I'm trying to say is it sure would be nice if something got a little exciting.

With all the golf confusion, Tiger did birdie his first two holes of the final round but followed that up with a bogey on the third before it started raining. Oh, great, CBS just switched it over to the Tennessee game which isn't in HD, so it makes watching basketball as enjoyable as "Full House" reruns.

Tiger Needs a Bit of a Roar

Starting five shots back of Geoff Ogilvy today, Tiger is going to need a Dubai-like performance (Where he shot 65 to win the tournament over Ernie Els on Sunday) to knock out his sixth straight PGA Tour win.

Maybe he has it in him - Tiger has already birdied his first hole of the last round with the leaders not having teed off yet.

It would be fitting if Tiger won in a comeback, but the way Ogilvy has played, bogey-free through 54 holes, is extremely impressive. What I want to say is if Tiger is going to lose, it would be fitting to come at the hands of a flawless performance.

With how crazy the first round of the NCAA Tournament has been, maybe it's the right weekend for Tiger's streak to end. I, for one, sure hope he can find a way to extend it.

Aggie Fans Aren't Very Happy, Maybe for Good Reason

These two photos show the last play in the UCLA-Texas A&M game, when Donald Sloan drove to the basket in hopes of a floater or drawing a foul.

I guess I'll just let the pictures show why a lot of Aggie fans aren't happy campers today.

Wisconsin, Hopefully Fads Faster than Soulja Boy

There isn't a time when this isn't fun to watch, but when Wisconsin is trying to make it to the Sweet 16, I find it very appropriate.

(Also, I really need Wisconsin to lose this game so I'm trying anything to jinx these guys.)

Wow, This is Strange

I'm about to write a sentence that hasn't been typed in 2008 - Tiger Woods is struggling.

Yep, it was as strange to type as it is to read.

Tiger, who started the day one shot back of Geoff Ogilvy, is now three shots back of the Australian through 11 holes.

Rain or lightening or tornadoes or something has suspended golf today, so it will be really hard for Tiger to make up ground at this point.

They are saying the course is "there to be had," which normally means it's really wet and easy to shoot at flags. An example of this has to be Vijay Singh, who is eight-under on the day through 16 holes.

I'm not sure if they are planning on finishing today or playing the remainder tomorrow, but it is pretty crazy that Tiger isn't tearing this thing apart.

I guess the weather delay gives Tiger a chance to catch his Cardinals battle Marquette.

How Smart Some Fans Are

As you can see in this picture, Da'Sean Butler is shooting a free throw for West Virginia at the end of the first half.

What you might miss is the fact that the people at the other end of the court are waving their hands to distract Butler.

I honestly can't come up with something funny enough to criticize the amount of stupidity that comes with someone thinking this might make Butler falter. Is 1:08 PM too early for my first shot?

Getting You Ready for Saturday

It's Saturday of March Madness and moving day at the Bridgestone, so a lot is going on in the next nine hours. Let's dive into it shall we....

West Virginia vs. Duke - Of course Duke is the only game today featured alone to the nation, but some would consider it the game of the day. I think after the Belmont experience, Duke is going to crush West Virginia, but that's just me. After that bad shooting performance, look for Paulus and company to maybe actually shoot a three through the orange circle.

Kansas State vs. Wisconsin - Ahhh, a "bite on it, please" Vegas game. Everyone is looking at K-State, which always scares me. I think Wisconsin goes to the Sweet 16, even if I can't name anyone on their team.

Purdue vs. Xavier - Look at me, I'm one of those guys that only picks favorites! Xavier smokes the bowl on this one.

Tiger Woods vs. Field - Sure, Tiger isn't leading, but that is because Saturday hasn't ended yet. Geoff Ogilvy hasn't made a bogey yet this week, so look for the bogey-bug to bite as Tiger pulls his red shirt out of the dresser tomorrow as the leader.

Notre Dame vs. Washington State - I would consider myself a decently smart guy, up until I picked Winthrop to upset the Cougars on Thursday. Tied at half, Washington State bested Winthrop by 31 (31!) in the second half. Washington State is like quicksand - once you start sinking to this team, you have no chance of coming back. I'm going Washington State mainly because I don't think Notre Dame is that good.

Marquette vs. Stanford - CBS just did a "feature" on the Lopez twins, and after watching it, I now think less about the educational value of a Stanford degree. If Marquette can actually knock down a few jumpers inside the three-point line (those are actually called mid-range jumpers), I think they win in a close one.

(Disclaimer - I know nothing about what I'm talking about.)

UNLV vs. Kansas - Ummm, next?

Michigan State vs. Pitt - You couldn't ask for a better second round game. One team always plays above their potential in the tourney, and the other is probably the hottest non-one seed in the dance. I think Pitt wins, unless that Drew Neitzel guy goes ape shit from outside the arc. Please Pitt, I need you so much right now.

Texas A&M vs. UCLA - I made a comment about people staying extremely loyal to their conference or region, and this was exemplified to perfection this morning as my buddy Rusty called from College Station. He said at the bars last night, all the Aggie fans were saying, "Well, Texas beat UCLA earlier this year and the Aggies beat Texas so they could really hang." I back up any argument with this by saying - "Yeah, my dad was taller than me five years ago, so he will probably always be taller than me no matter what because nothing in the world ever changes." Look for UCLA to get pounded tonight because of above theory (I'm a little confused, I'm not gonna lie).

Miami Heat vs. Charlotte - Can someone please find the over/under on this game? 125? 130?

Tiger Not Great at Shooting in the 70s

So far, in four tournaments (with one being the match-play so no official round recorded), Tiger hasn't shot over par. Actually, Tiger has only shot even par one time, the first round at the Arnold Palmer tournament last week.

Tiger is one shot back of Geoff Ogilvy today after finishing with a six-under 66, helped by two eagles.

Woods has made only three bogeys this week, and seems to be on "top of his game."

(The last sentence was practice for my generic golf statement class I'm taking.)

Chris BerMAN I'm Glad He Isn't Doing the Masters

If you didn't catch my article on Chris Berman doing the Masters, no worries, I have great news.

Chris Berman is NOT broadcasting the Masters this year.

Let me repeat that - Chris Berman is NOT doing the Masters.

Hooray, Yippee, Free Drinks for Everyone!!!

According to the New York Post article, Berman was a "behavioral risk."

I don't care if they told him he couldn't come because they have a strict no-Hawaiian golf shirt policy or they were scared to hear "You're With Me Green Jacket," any news of him steering clear of Magnolia Lane is good news.

They Are Golfing, and Holy Shit That Was An Amazing Shot

I was just about to write some golf stuff when Western Kentucky just hit that shot to win. Holy hell, that was absolutely great and exactly what this tournament needs.

Wow, somebody call the mortuary and tell them to get a really small casket ready for my bracket, because it's time of death was 3:10 Eastern. Anyway, congrats to Western Kentucky and thanks for giving us our "Whatever Sponsor Game Changing Moment/Performance" thing.

Well, on to golf.

I said yesterday that Tiger Woods was three-under through 13 so he'd probably shoot 66. I was off by one.

Also, Tiger is leading today, tied with Geoff (I still read his name G-Off) Ogilvy, at nine-under for the tournament.

I have heard reports of an Adam Scott sighting at the tournament, who is just one shot back of the leaders through nine holes.

If anyone was wondering who I thought was going to win, I'd probably have to pick Tiger on the off chance he can pull the tournament out. My Gatorade Tiger theory might hold up again.

Why March Madness is Both Great and Horrible

I guess it wasn't until last night that I realized that March Madness really only makes one fan base happy.

We all get excited for the tournaments to start, but once our team loses, the tournament lacks that personal luster. Sure, basketball fans still love to watch good basketball, but it's hard to cheer as hard as you did that first day after your team is history.

Last night, on the same court, I experienced both the ups and downs of the NCAAs.

THE Duke Blue Devils almost had an epic collapse, sliding past Belmont by a hair, even after Belmont threw all but the entire kitchen at Coach K's squad. The bar I was at started a "Belmont" chant with more than 10 minutes left in the game, giving it that "we've never heard of this school, and less than 1 percent of the people even know where Belmont is, but goddammit we're cheering" feel to it.

Nearly three hours later I was hanging my head, experiencing the low of college basketball as Arizona, once again, lost in the first round after a horrible season that had approximately zero high points. Near the end of my freshman year in Tucson I learned that the only way I would make it as an Arizona fan would be to handle the many loses to come my way. Honestly, if you don't love softball these days, enjoying Arizona sports is as much fun as open heart surgery.

Golf is On, Like Anyone Cares At All

I'm going to be typing this post as fast as possible, mainly because I want to check golf for about eight seconds today, then back to college basketball and the possibility of gray hairs starting at 24.

Anyway, blah blah blah, Geoff Ogilvy is leading after a scolding seven-under 65 at the Bridgestone Invitational.

(Just FYI, I went to click over a tab to check more scores, and accidentally went to my big ESPN Tournament Challenge Pool, and was about to write, "In second play is the JV Squad with 30 points" until I remembered this is still about golf.)

So, Tiger Woods is three-under through 13, which means he'll probably shoot 66. Phil Mickelson is in a tie for second with a five-under 67 and that is about all you want to know about that.

Golf is great to watch on any weekend, with Masters weekend taking my prize as best sports event of the year. The problem is - nothing makes your blood pump like watching these teams fight for another day.

P.S. This Marquette game is making me go batty.

Good Idea - Leave Joe Crawford Open

Hey Marquette, good idea - maybe put a fucking hand in Joe Crawford's face. He only has more than half of Kentucky's points. Yep, good defensive plan. JESUS!

A Large Group Just Sent Georgia A Thank You Card

Since this bracket stuff has pretty much ruined any and all wrinkles I've created in my brain over the years, watching my first game of the tournament and wondering if an Elite Eight team of mine was going to lose sure didn't help.

Georgia did exactly what my Vegas buddy said - come out hot, play really solid and fall at the end. Way to go Joshua Greenberg, you're a smarter man than I.

Anyway, the Marquette game is very interesting, as is the UNLV vs. Lufkin High School where I'm sure a buddy of mine that went to Marquette is taking his Tums with some Early Times whiskey shots.

Ahhh March Madness, good enough to make you almost want to die!

One Shining Moment, Before All The Craziness Begins

I'm sorry I have to do this, but as I sport the dorkiest U of A polo ever at work, I thought I had to attach this as a good luck charm. If you hate Arizona, I'd advise you to avoid the video.

Why March Madness Is So Awesome

This is a memo from a buddy of mine that transfered from Arizona to Kansas, and lives in the heart of Jayhawk country.

His boss sent this out yesterday to the entire company.

Join us for the annual "Tip Off" Lunch to celebrate the start of March Madness*.
11:30 a.m. Thursday, March 20th Food (pizza and wings) will be served in the Eagle Ballroom. We'll have TV's tuned into the games (KU plays at 11:25 a.m. - how lucky is that??) all afternoon so you can watch your favorite teams. And, feel free to wear your favorite team's apparel - but only if it is crimson and blue - ok just kidding - we welcome all school affiliations. For those of you working late, we'll be featuring the KSU game at 6:30 p.m. with leftover cold pizza and chicken bones.

That is a memo FROM THE BOSS!

Other things that I've received this morning that made me smile.

My brother-in-law, explaining his strategy and my sisters -

I basically just picked by where i would rather go to school. Your sister picked alphabetically.

March Madness - gotta love it.

Gatorade Tiger, The Reason for the Run?

Nobody is really talking about this, but shouldn't it be said - in 2008 Tiger Woods hasn't lost, the same year he started bringing Gatorade Tiger on the course?

I'm sure that is the reasoning behind his little run so far.

Anyway, I got this video about Tiger and his trials with Gatorade and thought it was fairly interesting, if not for anything else except you get to watch a male athlete lift weights and sweat for 1:29.

I actually tasted the yellow version of the Gatorade Tiger and it isn't bad at all, almost a mix between their signature drink, the Lemon-lime, and that horrible attempt at Lemonade they had a couple of years ago.

Enjoy!

Tiger Likes To Win Majors, Surprisingly

Much to my astonishment, it was revealed by Bob Harig over at ESPN that Tiger Woods likes to win majors.

"You can win every tournament for the entire year, but if you go 0-for-4 in the major championships -- you don't really get remembered for the number of wins in a career. It's the number of wins in major championships. Those are the biggest events."

Well, aren't we on a fairly high horse Mr. Tiger Woods. What about the little people that measure their careers on the petty, human-like performance of taking out the Buick Invitational? Um huh, maybe you're forgetting guys like David Toms or Ben Curtis? Career-defining-performance.

I still find it funny when people say Tiger "under-performed" in a major by finishing second.

Hahahahahaha, Joe Lunardi is taking Crazy pills

First, I want to applaud Joe Lunardi on his picks for every tournament game, showing that at least one guy at ESPN has a pair.

After being so nice, I would also like to be the first to tell Joe Lunardi from all the people that watch Arizona basketball - you have been Wildcat fooled. The Bracketologist has Arizona in the Elite Eight.

The question he asks - "Why is no one talking about the possibility of Arizona's winning two games and playing in Phoenix?" Well, maybe because of this.

People continue to forget that this is a Wildcat team with no bench, no Lute, and nobody that can produce except two young guards. I would love to see the Wildcats stun a ton of teams, but the bottom line is this - Arizona was 5-10 against teams in the field of 64, with two of those wins coming over an overrated Washington State team and two others coming against UNLV and Texas A&M, eight and nine seeds respectively.

Again, I would love nothing more than to see Arizona rise to the occasion and sweep the first weekend but we have to be realistic - this hasn't be the Arizona Wildcats in quite some time. Sorry Joe.

For All Picking UCLA, This Can't Sit Well

I can honestly say that there has never been a March Madness pre-week that has scared me more than 2008. I keep hearing different things, changing my mind, thinking this, deciding that - it is seriously driving me mad.

Why can't it just be more black and white this year?

Anyway, I was all set with my UCLA pick, even if I felt that they'd lose in the third round if they were in the UNC bracket, when I read this painful article.

He seemed in good spirits? That's your quote? Kevin Love, the best player in the entire West bracket, is in good spirits. I want to know about his back, not that he feels content with life. This isn't a Buddhist convention.

Also, "if he's able to go, we'll play him on Thursday" might go down as the dumbest thing anyone that went or worked at UCLA has ever said. Really? If he's able to go, you'll play him? I figured that the Freshman of the Year two years ago would probably sit most of the game if he was able to go.

This is seriously driving me crazy. I'm convinced that if March Madness had a two week window like the Super Bowl, men would eventually write their picks in their own blood.

Tiger Has More Houses Than I Do

Granted, I never complain about my one bedroom apartment in the quaint area of Denver. It really is all I need, including a comfy recliner and a sturdy couch.

It probably wouldn't be horrible, however, to be Tiger Woods, and own three houses totaling $130 million.

Yep, Tiger just bought a pad in the Hamptons worth $65 million. Think it's nicer than my apartment?


Via The Fanhouse

Mike Golic, Do We Really Have to Do This?

Nothing to me is more ignorant than people that are stuck in ideas that held true decades ago, continuing to harp on these thoughts with consistency as our world has long grown out of those pants.

Extreme cases are racism, sexism or changing the television by hand, and a mild case is when people continue to bash golfers as "non-athletes."

This happened when Mike and Mike appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman Monday night and Golic said golfers weren't athletes (around the 1:40 mark).

I will agree with a few things. Golfers in the past weren't that athletic. Some, like Jack Nicklaus, were born with a natural athletic mold, but there wasn't much training going on when golf started to become popular. The game is based mostly on mental toughness, like the Mikes talked about, but this holds true in all sports. A good example of this - in practice, I'm positive Jay Cutler could complete just as sharp a pass as Tom Brady, but in a playoff game when he needs it, would you trust him to be able to place it just like Brady could?

Anyway, this "are golfers athletes" argument is moot because golfers are working on their bodies as much, if not more, than other sports. I know that the sport has overweight golfers and people that don't appear to be in great shape, but when is the last time one of these guys has played at a consistent level? They might win a time or two, but the ones that are dominating are the ones that are beating up their bodies. As a trainer once told me, if there is an edge to be had in golf these days, it's found in the gym.

To complete my point about this, I will attach pictures of Mike Golic in his prime and a picture of Tiger Woods in top form. You decide which one is a better athlete.

Someone Should Probably Give Digger Phelps' Wife a Medal

I'm sorry, but the Digger Phelps "laugh at everything Bobby Knight says when you're not jabbing him repeatedly about never playing zone" has become such a problem to me, I almost find it funny (and by funny I mean horrible).

As the good guys over at The Fanhouse have pointed out, Digger now decided touching Bobby Knight is a better idea. I'm sorry, but if an older man that matches his highlighter with his tie kept touching me to make a point, I'd eventually get a little uncomfortable. Maybe the annoying, force chuckles weren't so bad after all (that is a lie).

Theory's to Win Your Bracket

I was talking to a girl friend of mine today about her theory on picking March Madness.

This, verbatim, is what she said.

"I think I'm going to follow most of (my ideas) and then chose according to mascot in typical ____ fashion, with a possibility of "I liked their campus or not.""

Since most of the time, girls win the bracket challenges I'm a part of based on such theories, I'm listing other things to follow to make sure you take home the "money" in all your pools.

-The "Which Coach Would Win in a Wrestling Match" theory (Can we still pick Bobby Knight?)

-The "Which Place Has A Better Bar Street" Theory (UT!)

-The "Best Chance for a Better Riot After a Big Win" Theory (Walking in Memphis)

-The "Better Chance for a Teacher/Student Sex Scandal" Theory (Stanford loses early)

-The "Better Spring Break destination School" Theory (Are the Rainbow Warriors in the field?)

-The "If I dropped $50 in the middle of Campus This Student Body Would Return it" Theory

-The "Guy on the Team with the Cooler Last Name" Theory

-The "Team Name with the Most Vowels" Theory

-The "My Pet is Quicker than Said Mascot" Theory (GO CHIP!)

Ok, that's enough. If Dicky V was coming up with a theory it would be something wacky like, The "Pick the Team With the Lower Number next To Their Name" Theory.

Why Watching Tiger Woods is Pretty Damn Great

With all the highlights of analysts picking really tough games yesterday on ESPN, you might have missed in the sports shuffle the Tiger Woods putt to win.

Like the Minnesota jumper a la Christian Laettner, this highlight was worth seeing over and over again. Well, here you go.

ESPN Analysts, About as Exciting as a Can of Campbell's Soup

As most of you probably have heard, yesterday was Selection Sunday, which means for the next three days we will be hearing all about people's picks for the tournament.

With that, ESPN's college basketball crew picked who they thought would win and man was it exciting.

Digger Phelps picked all one seeds as did Jay Bilas, the equivalent of going to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and ordering a side salad. The most amazing part of it all is there have never been all top seeds make it to the Final Four as will be the case this year.

In the huge world of mainstream media, this is the time I hang my head the lowest. Nothing is more boring and more of a pathetic "expert" pick than taking all the top teams to win the tournament. It is almost as insulting as Digger calling Arizona's Jerry (pronounced Jared) Bayless "Gerald" when talking about the Wildcats. (This isn't to mention the fact that he called the Wildcats "consistent," maybe the last word anyone would use to describe this 2008 season.)

No "expert" thinks UCONN has a chance of upsetting UCLA in the Sweet 16? Is North Carolina really so good that they could roll through Indiana, Notre Dame, and Tennessee to get to the Final Four after almost losing to Virginia Tech in the ACC Tournament? Did UCLA use all their luck before the tournament? If Memphis plays Texas in Houston, you honestly think Vegas is going to have Memphis favored by more than two points?

See, this is the stuff I want from my experts. I don't want to hear that Kansas will play North Carolina and UCLA will take on Memphis. That is the most vanilla analyzing you could possibly do. I at least applaud Bobby Knight for picking Pittsburgh out of that South bracket, but I'm still convinced Bobby Knight has absolutely no idea where he is during any of these shows and is about two more "this is what a Zone looks like" jokes away from smashing a teleprompter over Digger's head (which I would be fine with).

Ummmm, Wow?

That was pretty damn awesome.

Tiger Woods, or The Guy That Can't Lose, just made a birdie putt on the 18th dead fucking center to win the Arnold Palmer Invitational. The guy is pretty insane, and it just shows how negative we as Americans are that we would even think he wasn't going to birdie 18.

Seeing his reaction to that putt just shows how hard it was, a swinger that was really quick he just dropped right in the middle of the circle.

Tiger Woods (and I know he reads my blog), congrats man, you have changed the way people approach winning. Keep it up a couple of more weeks, alright? This is fun.

Maybe Not the Best Thing

This was a quote from interim head coach some sort of leader Kevin O'Neill after Arizona lost to Stanford.

"We're No. 1 in strength of schedule," O'Neill said. "I think we're getting in, and we'll win a few games. Everyone in the Pac-10 has figured out how to play us. Just wait until we play teams that don't know us."

Now this is going to sound crazy, so everyone stay with me - do you think, and again, crazy crazy crazy, some of the teams Arizona might face in the NCAA Tournament have TAPE?!?!?!?!?!

Somewhere, the Ozone layer just ripped a little and a girl dropped her doll down a well. Tape......of a team you're going to play?????? Insane! Zonkers! Ludicrous!

Greg Oden Is "Back"

As you've all heard, Greg Oden practiced with the Blazers yesterday in what could be considered the most boring interesting news of the day.

Because he isn't going to play this season, it's pretty pointless to report on him, but I do have one question for all - how much of his rookie contract was spent on expensive suits? Honestly, 66 suits and counting, not including the ones he's worn to other occasions? No wonder he was doing those atrocious ESPN the Magazine commercials.

College Basketball is Flat Out Awesome

As I have told friends, and I'm convinced of this, picking the NCAA Tournament takes absolutely no skill at all.

No matter how smart or ignorant you are, people ALWAYS pick teams to win from their conference, whether it be the conference they went to school at, the place they grew up or the area they live in now.

I prove this by explaining that all my Pac-10 buddies, God love them, keep barking about USC as a sleeper and how UCLA is the front-runner heading into next week. Granted, it's hard to argue with the latter, but it's funny how passionate and tainted people are when talking about their own conference.

Also, anyone in the Big 12 thinks Texas is going to win it all (unless they went to Kansas) and anyone from the Conference USA (all 20 of you) is so high on Memphis their head might explode.

I love this time because it really does bring the degenerate in gamblers out in full wave. People that never gamble are "crunching their bracket" the same way people that never drink are throwing up in the corner during New Years Eve. Intelligent friends of mine actually trying to come up with some concrete information about a Wisconsin-Michigan State game is high comedy.

Anyway, enjoy the last few days of these conference tournaments, as I try to decide which team I like better, Marquette or Stanford, Tennessee or Gonzaga. If we were France, companies would just give us the next week off.

If you win the Powerball this weekend, you could probably afford to be Tiger's neighbor.

Boom Boom Boom Boom

I have to say, when it comes to completely horrible sports commercials, they would rank like this:

3.) The Boom Boom Boom Boom Fred Couples Commercials
2.) This Gem
1.) Those absolutely excruciating BADS commercials

Anyway, Fred Couples, one of my favorite golfers on tour, is leading the Arnold Palmer Invitational after a five-under 65, tied with J.J. Henry who has one hole to go. I'd have to say, my favorite part of Fred Couples deals with my dad, who always tells me the story of how (and think this in your head with a Texas accent), "If you ever go to a PGA Tour event, make sure you follow around Freddie, because all the women follow him around." Granted this might have been true in the 80s, but I still love hearing the story and you can guarantee it's coming when Freddie plays well.

Also, El Tigre Woods played pretty boring, making two birdies, two bogeys and a TON of pars. The Man shot 70, and is currently tied for 35th. Vijay Singh is currently four-under as is Jim Furyk.

Schmickelson struggled today, shooting a two-over 72 and is eyeing the cut line after Thursday. Good news, he's tied for first in the field with sand saves! Way to go Phil!!!!

Bay Hill Update

As my uncle always told me, you can't birdie them all if you don't birdie the first hole. Tiger did that, but has made all pars and a bogey since, even par through eight holes at the Arnold Palmer Invitational.

Some guy, not sure if he's a golfer or not, named Richard Johnson is leading at three-under with Freddy Couples and Vaughn Taylor.

Also, John Daly has yet to make a bogey on Thursday. (Zinggggggggg)

Ummmm, well.....your 2008 Arizona Wildcats?

Newspaper leads that couldn't work after the Arizona-Oregon State game :

One thing's for sure, if you needed a definitive game from a year of smooth sailing and easy cruising, you got it Wednesday against Oregon State.

Oregon State held tough but couldn't pull out the win as Arizona stayed consistent most of the game.

Nobody made a three or dunked in this game.

How this guy introduced the Ball State softball scores, explaining they started off good but ended up doing poorly.

Yeah, so two things happened last night. A team that has sucked most of the year (Arizona) played out of their ass, shooting 71 percent in the first half, making the outcome obsolete before the guys even had their halftime pep talk. Also, they played a team (Oregon State) that plays basketball like Jessica Simpson acts. Ehhh, I can do better than that. Oregon State plays basketball like George Bush speaks....no...like Dane Cook kids? like Frank Caliendo gets "do the Frank Caliendo" impression requests? God, Thursdays are such a tease.

I think Arizona is in, but some think a Stanford win tonight is a must.

GREG BRYAN / arizona daily star

Butch Harmon Ain't Having None of This Boozing

When reading John Daly's book, you really get a true understanding of just how crazy the guy is.

He's erratic, crazy and a serious alcoholic.

The last part is the reason Butch Harmon, his swing coach, has dropped the Big Man as a client, citing the alcoholism as the main problem.

From The Sporting Blog via the AP, "“My whole goal for him was he’s got to show me golf is the most important thing in his life,” Harmon said from his golf school in Las Vegas. “And the most important thing in his life is getting drunk ... Jon Gruden caddying, I thought was ridiculous. I thought he made a circus out of the whole event.”

I'm pretty sure when a guy decides that "just drinking Miller Lites" is his way of staying sober, things will never end well.

Oh Andy

I'd have to say, I'm pretty torn on the recent news of my personal favorite American athlete, Andy Roddick.

The 25-year-old tennis star great server has said he's decided to skip the Olympics for a chance to defend his title at the Legg Mason Tennis Classic in Washington.

His explanation is plausible, noting that every year his main goal is to win the U.S. Open and this gives him the best shot at preparing for it. The problem is it's the Olympics and he's going to get all that "not defending his country the right way" scrutiny that he doesn't necessarily deserve.

If you're anything like me, the Olympics chapter in God Save the Fan is pretty much your theory - Americans don't really care about the Olympics anymore.

No matter, I'm sure Andy is heading for a minimal shit-storm from the media on this, mainly because they have nothing better to talk about after basketball is over.

Get Ready for Tiger, Phil, And, Ummmm, Brian Gay?

I heard someone talk about the "star-studded" field at this week's Arnold Palmer Invitational, and I won't doubt that, with both Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson doing their best Punxsutawney Phil impression.

The strange thing about it - Tiger, Phil and Jim Furyk are the only three from the top-10 in the Official World Golf Rankings, with even Steve Stricker taking the week off.

I was all excited to look up the players and see the likes of Adam Scott and Ernie Els competing against El Tigre for the crown, but all these guys must have a St. Patrick's Day pool party or something over the weekend.

(Side note: Some interesting things I found while checking the OWGR. The University of Arizona is the only school with two guys in the top-10 in the world. Retief Goosen has dropped all the way to 40th on the list, behind the likes of Tim Clarke and Roy McAvoy Richard Sterne. Also, I need to look up the word "interesting.")

Anyway, with only nine of the top 20 in the world playing this week, look for even more coverage of Tiger and Phil. Luckily people never put much expectation on these two, so they'll probably be in a little different situation at Bay Hill.

I'd Have to Say Tiger is the Favorite

In case you didn't know my irk with mainstream media and their obsession with picking the favorite, observe this.

I know that most people would pick Tiger Woods this week on a golf course that he's already smoked four times in his career, but the only man in the group with a set of cajones makes some very valid points.

John Maginnes, who picked Vijay Singh to win, said the following - "Tiger has dominated on this course but not in several years. Furthermore, if Tiger has a weakness, it is par-70 golf courses."

Ok, lets check the factuality of this. Yep, Tiger won four times in a row at Bay Hill, but the last was in 2003, so in Tiger Time, it has been a while since he held the trophy. And the "doesn't love par-70 courses?" Well, he's won 10 of his 13 majors on par-72 courses (tainted a little because of Augusta), one on a par-71 and just two on par-70s.

Very valid points Mr. Maginnes.

One opinion of the Lute Olson return

I just wanted to pass along a damn good column by Greg Hansen on the Lute Olson debacle in Tucson.

Hansen argues a little of both sides, but you can read between the lines his opinion on the issue. Check it out and leave some feedback if you want.

God, I Love People

This was over at Deadspin, but it might be the best thing I've seen in months. Honestly, whoever invented YouTube, can I send you a box of Girl Scout Cookies?

73-year-old is coming back to coach, 24-year-old surprised

In case you haven't heard, Arizona head coach Lute Olson said he's coming back next year to coach.

In case you didn't know, Lutey left the team in November because of personal reasons and has only been back on the court to congratulate Jawann McClellan the seniors after the UCLA loss last Saturday.

After enduring this season of heartache, I don't think it's a horrible idea for him to return, if only to lure a player or two back to Arizona or keep Chase Budinger from going to the NBA draft. Let's face it, with both Chase and Jerryd Bayless heading to the NBA, Arizona should expect another mediocre season, to go along with all the ones we've had since 2001.

I'd have to say, the 2000s haven't been good to Britney Spears, the Arizona Wildcats or trans fats.

Any John Daly News is Good News

Pounding Jack Daniels by the handle, beating up hotel rooms, losing your $750,000 check in one night at Vegas, all good things considering they deal with John Daly.

Now? Well, the big-bomber decided to try out bigger balls, headed to Phillies spring training, to, well, play baseball?

I'm assuming that if I had to pick some unintentional comedy inside the world of sports, having Daly chug out of the dugout to pinch-run for a player in a spring training game might make me happier than Christmas. Is there a baseball rule for drinking Miller Lite as you attempt to steal? For the love of laughter, I hope not.

Weekend Round-Up

This weekend had it all - a few college basketball games including some big rivalry or something, a young guy notching his second PGA Tour victory and Shaq doing his own Superman impression.

With the UNC-Duke game, it is clear that the Blue Devils, like everyone already knows, wins when they make it from outside and lose when they're cold. Even as much as I root against Duke in general, it is impressive how Greg Paulus has reversed the general publics opinion of him. He went from that guy that picked basketball over football to a point guard that really struggled to lead his team to a player that takes over games, especially with his range and ability to hit jumpers off the screen. I'd take Paulus first if he was at 24-Hour Fitness this afternoon, no doubt about it.

Sean O'Hair won the PODS Championship yesterday, needing a little help from Stewart Cink and his newfound ability to get crushed on Sundays. Cink shot a three-over 74 after making birdies on his first two holes Sunday, a collapse that included a double-bogey on the hardest hole of the week at Innsbrook, the par-4 16th.

The Suns beat the Spurs, which was most important to the public in reminding them that Phoenix still had a basketball team. Shaq and Steve Nash both had double-doubles, Shaq with points and assists as Nash did it with rebounds and blocks. Impressive group effort.

Also, I attended my first figure skating championships hockey game this weekend as the Avs hosted the Stars. I have to say, for pro sports, fans get into hockey as much as anything, way more than the Denver faithful do for their beloved Nuggets. I can honestly tell you I've never watched an entire hockey game, but being there was interesting and made me appreciate the sport more. Would have been cool if the guys could have at least had one freakin' fight. Dammit.

Yikes!

Nobody likes to see a good guy metaphorically piss it right down his leg, but that's what you're seeing with Stewart Cink at the PODS Championship.

The big man had it seven-under at one point early in his final round, but has since made four bogeys and is in the process of playing the 16th hole like, well, this.

Anyway, I've always been a Sean O'Hair fan, probably because I used to work with his instructor and also because I hate the whole "Hey, his dad was a huge asshole" thing.

With Arizona playing what appeared to be the most un-inspired basketball all season in probably the most important game they've had, anything positive can make my weekend better. Watching the Duke-UNC game makes me a little nostalgic about having a team that plays good basketball.

Good News, Tiger Golf Fans

Maybe it isn't breaking "Tiger hits a single off Smoltz" news, but it is at least noteworthy.

Tiger decided he's going to tee it up at the Arnold Palmer Invitational next week.

So, after a few weeks of wondering if the winner is going to be someone you've heard of, you'll be in luck as Tiger will win on Sunday. He will! Don't argue with me.

Why Bracketology Stinks

Personally, one of the reasons I can stand making predictions about things is that at the end of the day, all you're really doing is just guessing.

Sure, I could assume Tiger plays well at Augusta and has won there multiple times, but picking him is still a guess, even if some would consider it a good one. This would be the same as what George Mason did to everyone in 2006, continuing not to listen to "experts" as they rolled to the Final Four, a true middle finger to anyone that ever thought they knew an inkling about sports.

(Side note: This is also the reason that I get so annoyed when "experts" start picking their Final Fours on various MSM websites and normally either have one of two equations - three one seeds and a two, or two one seeds, a two seed and (gasp) a three seed).

So, as fun as it was to watch March Madness unfold on Selection Sunday, Joe Lunardi and his "Bracketology" has pretty much sucked the fun out of thinking your team might get an easier road than some assume. I mean, lets be honest, the guy misses fewer games than Marty with the Sports Almanac in "Back to the Future II."

With that pointed out, thanks Joe for giving me absolutely no hope for the Arizona Wildcats, who have to beat Davidson in the first round only to face Play-In-Game North Carolina. If you don't remember, North Carolina beat Arizona last year by 83 points. Stomach punches hurt.

Pacman to the Cowboys, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Hey Jerry, great plan here. Since you paid for one of the craziest (and possibly overrated) players in the league, only to have him do the exact same stuff he did in Philly, there's a rather decent cornerback for you.

See, this guy named Pacman Jones got in some overly publicized trouble in Las Vegas, but has totally gotten over his problems, straightening himself up and getting himself ready for football again.

Picture this - Pacman Jones AND Terrell Owens ON THE SAME TEAM!

What in world go ever go wrong with this?

PODS Tourney, Sad Withdraws

My father always told me not to quit, and even though I did withdraw from the AJGA Robert Trent Jones Tournament in 2001, I vowed never to let it get the best of me. (Also, to my defense, I did shoot 36 on the front nine the first day to follow that up with a 44. I'm pretty sure that'll take the wind out of the 'ol 17-year-old sails).

Anyway, I always enjoy who pulls out of PGA Tour events and continuously wonder what their "excuse" is when letting the tour know they aren't showing up on Friday.

This week, the awards go to Kevin Na and Mark Hensby, with both pulling out after shooting 76 and 79, respectively. Seriously, doesn't the PGA Tour have a rule on this? You play a terrible round, and just don't show up the next day? I bet your group gets a little pissed (that is, unless Na and Hensby played together).

Anyway, so far the leader board explains just why golf is great, with 45-year-old Bart Bryant leading with 30-year-old Paul Casey nipping at his heels. Also, Paul Casey wanted to remind everyone, if you live in America, you're IQ ranges near the man's handicap.

Tiger Can Hit Golf Ball Far, Baseball? Not So Much.

So, you know Tiger Woods. Best in the world at golf, most dominant athlete, married a model, really good at chipping, not so much at high-fiving.

Anyway, El Tigre played some golf with John SMoltz, Jeff Francouer and Tom Glavine on Wednesday and according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution went for batting practice after the 18 holes.

The report said Tiger struck out twice, walked once and hit a "single" against Smoltz.

My favorite part of the story - "I've got the second baseman making that play," pitching coach Roger McDowell deadpanned.

Jesus Roger, maybe chill out a little. I mean, this was what some would call a "fun experiment."

If Mickelson, Ernie or Vijay had been tipped off, I promise Smoltz would have been wired some cash to bean Woods.

Lord, Make It Even Harder to Hit a Fairway Why Don't Ya?

After reading this over at Sports By Brooks, it was all I could do not to think of the "Entourage" episode when Vince, in always perfect acting form, tells the boys he's "arranged to skip" traffic by use of a helicopter.

I guess this is pretty similar. A man, who obviously was channeling his inner Howard Hughes, landed his Piper PA-16 Clipper (or, just, airplane) on the seventh fairway at the Marriott Lincolnshire Resort.

The pilot didn't need to emergency land or bail out because of a smoking engine, he just needed to get his kid to tennis practice on time.

I'm sorry, but this guy really has no clue at all. You're so rich you own a plane yet so dumb you land the damn thing on a fairway? What if some granny was going for the course record? What if a kid was running out because he'd fanned one over from number four? None of this is important because "traffic on Saturday is really bad?"

I would hate to see this guy in a traffic jam after work. I'm sure he'd just Monster Truck it over everybody in hopes of not having to wait for a table at Applebees.

The Duke-UNC 2008 Drinking Game

So, I Googled this to make sure I wasn't stepping on any toes, and it appears the only "Drinking game" version of this is ESPN U, and a drinking game at anything ESPN is only fun if Dana Jacobson oversees it.

Anyway, for the game, whenever it is, this is your guide to a good slosh-fest with your buddies.

Anytime, during the opening monologue, Dick Vitale's voice raises high enough to make you turn the volume down - two drinks

If and when a Duke player slaps the floor - one whiskey shot and then text your obligatory Duke friend "You guys are dorks"

Anytime Tyler Hansborough looks like a confused character from "The Blair Witch Project" - one swig (I didn't mention, you'll probably be drunk fairly quick)

Anytime an announcer calls one of the players "a real hard worker" or "a passionate player" - two swigs

If, at any point, the camera catches a hot girl in the flood of Cameron Crazies - down all bottles in house

Any mention of Greg Paulus being an All-American quarterback in high school - two shots of strongest liquor in house

Any flashback - two swigs

Any Ty Lawson injury mention - one swig

If, at any point, Dicky V argues that "both of these great programs deserves a top seed in this "townament"" - four shots

Any and all awkward two-handed strange, kinda sideways dunks by Hansbrough - four swigs

At any point, the following thought passes through your mind - "I'm almost positive I could take Kyle Singler one-on-one" - shotgun beer

If at any point, Wayne Ellington jumps into the crowd to save a ball, and a Crazzzzie slaps him in the face, which leads to a fight between Ellington and fan, meanwhile, Coach K heads to the UNC bench and tackles Roy Williams, as Wojo starts bitch-slapping Joe Holladay and Dicky V keeps screaming "Excitement All Night here is CAMMMMERRRRRRON" - stop drinking, join church, quit watching sports, life as you know it has peaked

If you have any suggestions, add 'em.

When is Duke-UNC part two?

I don't know about you fellas, but I am super stoked for the next meeting of the North Carolina Tar Heels and the Duke Blue Devils.

The two schools are in the same state, separated by only eight miles! Wacky!!!!!

Anyway, I have been getting all excited for the game, and forgot to check when it is or where it's being telecast. Does anyone know? Has anyone see anything promoted about the game? If so, can you pass the information along to me.

I might not have gone to either schools, but blood, half-court shots, TYLER HANSBOROUGH!!!!!! This is going to be wicked.

Golf Starts Tomorrow

With all that is going on right now, including college basketball wrapping up, NBA getting better and better and baseball just around the corner, it can be easy to forget about golf.

I guess one of the reasons is that nobody really plays right now because the tournaments suck a little. Also, they're on the Golf Channel a lot, and that itself will lead you to Tums-central.

Another reason - this week's tournament is the Pods Championship. What the fuck is a PODS? Like those U-haul things they bring to your house? Hold on - haha, well what do ya know, it sure is.

I guess if you have about 5,000 sets of clubs in your garage and intend to move, the PODS drop this week would be pretty damn helpful.

Anyway, John Daly and Ernie Els are playing, so you can expect to see some big performances out of the two. Other than those two, the most interesting byline would be that J.B. Holmes is in the field and if wins, he'll be winning the FedEx Cup point system thing that I still don't get.

I'd have to say, if this was the 1999 PODS Championship, you could pitch the stars better.

"David Duval, Davis Love III, Fred Couples - here today, at the PODSSSS CHAMPIONSHIP!"

The Best Thing I've Read All Day

Seriously, the Cancel All Slogans part is, I'm not even kidding.

Something I Never Thought I'd Say

I, purveyor of DTCC, would like to announce something I did yesterday that might have never happened in my entire life.

Because of the recent news of Brett Favre retiring for now, I avoided ESPN/any sports channel all day yesterday. Yep, I took the entire day of March 4th without seeing a smidgen of sports.

To be fair, it was a little tough, especially since I haven't watched cable television in about six years. I went to Barnes and Noble, bought four books, rented a movie, and just hung out. Anyway, not to get all Monday Morning Quarterback on you, but I thought as a sports freak like myself, avoiding all the sports channel I have on my television was a little tough, but it did help that the prime time game on ESPN was Arkansas against Ole Miss.

Shaq Trade Follow-up

Thursday marks a month since the Shaq-Shawn Marion trade went down between the Heat and Suns.

How are the teams doing with the new blood?

Well, the Heat are 2-8, which isn't much of a change, but the Suns have struggled to a 5-5 record, including a loss at home to the 76ers.

Another interesting aspect for the Big Cactus' new team? The Suns went a total of three months to start the season without scoring in the 80s, something that has happened twice with Shaq in the new threads. I'm not making any assumptions, I'm just informing you. Three times the Suns have scored in the 80s up until Jan 6th, where they've scored in the 80s twice since the trade.

I'm not sure about this, but I think the Lakers are doing a little better with their acquisition.

If You Like Brett Favre, I'd Avoid Everything Dealing With Him

As I wrote before, I always enjoyed Brett Favre, even if my obsession was pretty reserved compared to most.

Anyway, if you want to enjoy the legacy without wanting to attempt to push your number four jersey through the company shredder, I'd avoid pretty much any MSM today.

Just look at ESPN's front page right now, that has 12 (TWELVE!!!) stories/polls about Favre already and is getting set for a two-hour afternoon special AND an "Outside the Lines" about him tonight.

I think I wouldn't be the least surprised if at one point during the show the ESPN family sacrificed, say one of those "Dream Job" winners, in honor of Favre. It would be more exposure than those guys have had since winning the damn thing.

I LOVE When People Play the Race Card

Let me preface this by saying that I'm probably the least racist person in America. I love black people about thirty times more than white people and still yearn for the day I take an African-American girl back to my hometown as my fiance, just because it would be the best day of my life.

Anyway, if you haven't read this Dave Stewart article about the difference in perception about Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds, please do.

Of course, Stewart blames the fact that Bonds is black and Clemens is white on the difference in the way people approached and reacted to the steroid accusations.

"As a black man, looking at it through my eyes, you have to understand maybe race is the reason nobody wanted to look at Roger like they looked at Barry," Stewart said when reached by phone Thursday. "In years past, when all the speculation was on Barry, I said maybe you need to look at Roger as well."

Um, two things that are very important here. First, the reason people hate Barry Bonds isn't because he did or does steroids, it's because he's the biggest asshole in sports. A good example of this - everyone hates playing with him and he is friends with Terrell Owens.

The second thing - people hate Roger Clemens too. I don't really care if Clemens is white or not, he's an asshole, but at least has friends (or did have friends) in people like Andy Pettite who seems like respectable human beings.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter if you're black or white when you're a dickhead to just about anyone you've ever met. I can promise you, if you had a poll on which one of these guys most of America would invite to dinner, the majority of people would probably just go out to eat.

On The Ernie Els Victory

In case you didn't know, Ernie Els won this past weekend at the Honda Classic.

His victory added to his proclamation that he wants to regain the top spot in the world over Tiger Woods, something that seems as likely as me being called in to perform open-heart surgery. Actually, I might have a better chance, with my superb hand-eye coordination and ability to cut shit really well with a knife.

I have never understood why golfers are so convinced on talking about their aspiration to eclipse El Tigre. You want to best Tiger Woods in the World Golf Rankings Ernie? Guess who else does? ME! Also, the guy that sits next to me, that said he whiffs a lot with his three-wood. Yeah, he wants to beat Tiger. Also, that same guy, he really wants to sleep with Jessica Alba and win the Powerball and eat steak and mashed potatoes for dinner every night but never gain an ounce of weight.

This was Ernie's first PGA Tour win since 2004. In that same stretch, Tiger won 23 times. I'm pretty sure there is a great Daniel Tosh line about this that I would print if it wasn't so damn inappropriate.

Adios Mr. Cuatro

As you well know, Brett Favre took six months of teetering on retirement, adding to Aaron Rodgers continued stomach ulcer problem, finally deciding to come back for just one more season announced his retirement.

I have to say, even as annoying as it was to hear announcers drool over the legend that was Brett Favre, he was entertaining to watch and easy to like (as a fan). I think that even without the Super Bowl run, it was good to see Favre end a season with the success of 2007 instead of the bombshells of previous years when he looked more fit for that Wrangler commercial game than any pro snap.

Enjoy the farm Brett. I'm sure we'll see you coaching someone in the coming years.

Thank You Randy

Randy Moss, I want to say thank you.

No, not because I like the Patriots. I root for the Patriots like Chapel Hill fans applauded Mike Krzyzewski's 800th win.

Nope, what I'm rooting for is the fact that an athlete whom many believed to be a "punk" or "criminal" is actually evolving (or so it seems) into a successful, likable guy that is staying loyal to a teammate (Brady), a coach (Billy Boy) and an organization (the Pats).

You say what you want about Moss, but in the world we live in, with all the negative sports stories, it is nice to see a guy appear to turn it around. That is the problem with all these sports stories - people are quick to burn a guy out but never able to let them back in. It is the equivalent to a golf handicap.

So, Randy Moss, I will give you credit where credit is due, even if Joe Buck still has your face imprinted on his urinal cake.

T.O. and Moss, together?

Unfortunately, during my lunch break today I went home and had Chipotle, and I'm so beat I just turned on ESPN and didn't change the channel. The unfortunate part? "Best of Mike and Mike" was running.

Mike Greenberg made a point that the Cowboys should be seriously considering adding Randy Moss to their team to pair him with Terrell Owens, essentially making the best one-two combo for receivers in the history of football.

First, I was a little pissed about the overlook of T.O. already being on a team with Jerry Rice, even if Rice was past his prime during the match-up. I mean, don't you have to give credit where credit is due?

The other problem deals with the psychotic twins. On one side I do believe that Moss has grown up, especially landing on a team like the Patriots last year for that stretch of great football. No matter how big an egg they laid in the Super Bowl, the 18 wins were pretty incredible for Moss and Brady, especially after the second week when every team decided they weren't going to let Moss beat them (and he still did).

The problem is T.O. The guy is crazy, and by crazy, I mean he judged a model shoot this weekend and now is considering modeling himself. No way would a guy like T.O. be able to handle splitting time with a receiver who is better than he. One thing Moss is decent at - not dropping easy passes.

Could you imagine the storm that would brew in Dallas? Crazy overpowering owner, pushover coach, aww-shucks quarterback that hasn't ever won a big game, and two alpha-male recievers. It doesn't look like it might work.

I would say that was the worst argument of the day in my 20 minutes watching ESPN, but on that "First and 10" show or whatever it's called, some guy that looks like he's a twin said that Yao Ming is the best center in the NBA without argument. You take Yao, I'll take Dwight Howard or Andrew Bynum. Bring your checkbook.

Recapping the "Weekend"

You ever go on one of those vacations where you have a great time, knock back a beer or two*, and then have the early Monday morning flight, only to hate yourself around 10:43 AM and wish you could just go home sick? Yeah, welcome to my Monday.

Anyway, the weekend was packed with a lot of "action," including an amazing end-of-game call by Kevin O'Neill over in Tucson and a win by a golfer that has been doing charity work in the poor areas of Russia for the past three years.

If you didn't watch the Arizona-UCLA game, you missed a few amazing things. One, the Wildcats actually looked like a basketball team that could compete as long as three things happened.

3.) The other team plays bad.
2.) You have a performance from a guy that had looked like a corpse the past month.
1.) You're at home and the Senior Day festivities makes the 80-year-old folks in the crowd extra excited.

I'd also like to point this out, and I want you to think long and hard about it. If Arizona as a program isn't the worst last-second possession team in the history of college basketball, can someone point out the arguable opponent? Throw out Salim Stoudamire, who made just about any shot from any point on the court, and tell me the last game winning shot the Wildcats even attempting, much less made. Jesus, it's like watching a blind dog try to find its way through an ill-placed doggy door. It's sad, you know it isn't going to end well, but you have to watch.

I had the following exchange with a friend after the Wildcats, who had 6 seconds left, threw the ball into Kirk Fucking Walters.

Me: Are you at all surprised?
Friend: Honestly, if I was in the huddle and the coach told me that we were going to inbound the ball to Walters, I would have just stayed on the bench.
Me: If you were Jerryd Bayless would you just take the rest of the year off and start training for the draft?
Friend: Don't worry, he only has three more games left.

Not to be all Bill Simmons on you, but there you are, your 2008 Arizona Wildcats!

The golfer in question was Ernie Els, who won some golf tournament at some course I'm assuming was in America. I couldn't even tell you the golf tournament at this point or who he beat. Is it Friday Yet?

* - lies

Photo courtesy of jeffry scott / arizona daily star