Thursday, May 29, 2008

In Case Young People Forgot, Old People Had it a Lot Tougher

You know, making an "A" in a class or hitting a home run these days is pretty cool, but not even worth a clap from your grandparents or their grandparents. When they did that stuff back in their respective days, it was immmmmpressive.

Peter Alliss thinks young golfers are wimps, and isn't scared to let them know.

When golfers, including Nick Dougherty, complained about the green conditions in this week's BMW Championship, Alliss called them "bloody delicate." (ouch)

"I'm not here to do anything but to say what's going on and they didn't play well. I know precisely how hard it is. I won 21 tournaments and played in eight Ryder Cups. Everyone's so bloody delicate now. They control spin, they control adrenalin. I've never heard so much twaddle. I always say golfers of 100 years ago were 10 times more skilful than this lot or me and my lot...

They had hickory clubs, the bunkers weren't raked, there were sheep on the course and a fellow cut the greens with a scythe. Yet still they went round St Andrews in 73 or 74."

So, to review :

-Every blogger known to man lives in his basement, is old and smells bad, never has anything positive to say and knows NOTHING about sports (but loves dick jokes).

-Golfers are gay.

-Young people live a life of chocolate covered strawberries, chilled champagne and wimpy, manicured golf courses that are as easy as this.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mickelson Will Win the U.S. Open

Listen, you gotta understand one thing I've you have ever read me write anything.

I can't stand Phil Mickelson.

I can't stand his grin. I can't stand his "family first" shtick a la Shooter McGavin from "Happy Gilmore." I despise the obsession people have with his flop shots, his "grin and nod move" to everyone, the fact that he gives fans the fist-pump instead of a high-five and even his new Barclays shirts that look like something out of the Justin Rose collection.

No matter how I feel personally about Mickelson, the guy has too much talent to not win a U.S. Open at some point in his career. He is one of those rare freak-golfers that are always good and never stop being good (Hell, he won a PGA Tour event as a college student).

Say what you want about the guy, but unless he hurts his wrist again practicing in rough (Ken Griffey Jr. and Grant Hill even called Mickelson out on this), he's going to take the title at Torrey Pines.

If you talk about stars aligning perfectly for someone, this has to be it. He gets a week to hear about how great he is, a week to watch Tiger Woods be the secondary story and a week to enjoy the Waltz. Larger fairways, a course he knows well and the lack of El Tigre couldn't be a better scenario.

The coming weeks will have a lot to say about this, but I'm proclaiming it early.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Check it Out over on Fanhouse

If you get a chance, my first golf article over at the Fanhouse is about Phil Mickelson and the need for a win today.

If Mickelson can win this today, I'm putting him at the top of my list as obvious U.S. Open favorite without anyone close to Lefty. It would be great if Mickelson, Sergio Garcia and maybe a young gun could battle it out at Torrey Pines, because I'm very skeptical about Tiger Woods showing up for the U.S. Freaking Open without any golf experience. I just don't see it happen (see 2006 Winged Foot).

Also, root hard for Erica Blasberg today at the Corning Classic as she goes for her first win. Blasberg struggled in her second round, but bounced back yesterday with a two-under 70 and is tied for the lead heading in to the final round. Any good looking girl that has a fun personality is great for the LPGA so if there isn't enough on your plate this weekend, check out the final round replay on The Golf Channel at 6:30 PM Eastern.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Phil Mickleson called me last night, Promised success

Phil Mickelson called me last night and told me he was sick of messing around, ready to get this season off to a booming start!

He was enthusiastic, passionate, excited, ardent and everything else you wouldn't expect from a man that has just about everything.

When I hung up with Phil I thought to myself, "You know, this guy is really ready to make a run in the summer tournaments. Mickelson could win this week at Colonial, take home the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines right under Tiger's nose, play well in a couple of tournaments before dominating Royal Birkdale for his second major in a row, and be the second winner of the FedEx Cup. Mickelson is ready!"

He's a step away from all that jabber, leading the Colonial today after making four birdies in his first 14 holes. If you believe in miracles, know that Tiger Phil is taking this thing home today. He ain't losing to no Johnson Wagner. No way, no how.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Mickelson to be on "Entourage"

Honestly, I don't think there is a better way to explain this than just reading the With Leather post and laughing a little.

Phil Mickelson acting? This might be the first time I laugh at something on "Entourage" since '04. Also, I'd make a huge bet that Mickelson is the best actor on the show and that isn't a compliment.

If You Shoot Seven Under, You'll Be Leading a Tour Event

The Colonial and Corning Classic kicked off today on the PGA and LPGA Tours and good news - one of the leaders is very attractive (sorry Johnson Wagner).

Wagner posted a seven-under 63 to take the Thursday lead by three shots.

Phil Mickelson, who obviously reads DTCC religiously, decided he wanted to be relevant again, and is in a tie for second place at four-under right now with eight holes to go.

Over at the LPGA, Erica Blasberg took a cue from her good friend me and decided that she was just going to dominate the hell out of the first round in New York, posting a bogey free 65 to take the outright lead by two shots.

Blasberg went to Arizona and was a dominant college golfer but hasn't really broke through on the LPGA Tour yet. If she could win here, I'm pretty sure she would land in "hot girl athletes that bloggers talk about a lot" land with some fairly other attractive ladies.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Phillip, Look Alive Buddy

If you've ever scanned the contents of this site (I'd first like to apologize for that), you know that I find it cheap and easy worthwhile to take jabs at Phil Mickelson for a lot of different reasons.

To set the record straight, I don't hate Phil. Hell, I remember the 2004 Masters, watching that amazing back-nine with my then-girlfriend and family in a house on Caddo Lake, cheering him on like Big Brown down the stretch. I was a Phil Phreak, pulling for him partly because he was a lefty, mostly because he was the lovable loser, that golfer that never could get over the edge (think about it - he lost majors to Payne Stewart and David Freaking Toms). The guy finished second or third eight times before breaking through in the '04 Masters.

The thing is, I grew up a little and realized that Mickelson was a little fake. That happy-go-lucky grin he sported wasn't one of goofy desperation, it was a permanent boob-job on his face. I started to lose my love and wasn't the only one. He just wasn't the people's guy anymore.

Well, it's May of 2008 and slowly, Phil has become a sideshow to the PGA Tour, not the extremely talented Robin he once was. Schmickey has won just twice in the last year compared to seven victories in the same period for Tiger, mediocre at best for a guy with talent like Mickelson.

He hasn't won a major since that disastrous, pitiful, Scott Hoch-style choke jobs to define all choke jobs double-bogey he made in the 2006 U.S. Open on the final hole. He has factored only once since then, but not really, with his fifth place this year at Augusta. He just isn't the headline anymore.

If Phil could find a way to win before Torrey Pines, it sure would make it more interesting. The media looked at the Open this year as a perfect spot for the two marquee names in golf to battle, a place both Tiger and Phil had won and know very well. With Tiger rehabbing and Phil looking very mediocre, we might be subjected to spell-checking another major winners name come June 15th. My plea - find your game Mr. Mickelson (and lose those Barclays shirts for all of us).

The Best Tiger Commercial

Just because you haven't seen the guy in a while, I thought a little Tiger Woods might help you remember what he looked like.

Rory Sabbatini Winning Might Be Best Thing for the Tour

I probably agree with everything you're thinking when you read the words "Rory Sabbatini," but the guy being successful might just be the best thing for the PGA Tour that is lacking a Joker to the Tiger Woods Batman.

Over the Tiger Dominance Tenure we've seen very few villains to the perfect, polished Tiger.

Fuzzy Zoeller was the bad guy after Tiger won the 1997 Masters with the racist comments about his potential Champions Dinner pick of collard greens.

Sergio Garcia was a mini-bad guy during the 1999 PGA Championship, one of the few tournaments ever that Tiger wasn't the favorite in the gallery.

Vijay Singh (and caddy) wore the cap (literally) in 2000 with the infamous "Tiger Who" during the Presidents Cup.

Of course, Phil Mickelson has always been the second fiddle, even commenting he was flying it by Tiger because of the inferior Nike equipment.

Anyway, Sabbatini is that bad guy, the one that doesn't just mind taking all the bad press, but embraces it. When he speaks up against Tiger, the media does a collective gasp, but at least it gives people (including me) something to write dogging Tiger that we don't normally say. Any rivalry is good for sports and this is pretty much the only one going on right now. Think about it - Rory is the only golfer on tour not riding Tiger's jock like the Texas Giant at Six Flags. As much as I love Tiger, it's a little refreshing.

Sabbatini won this tournament last year and even though he isn't having a stellar year by his standards (27th on the FedEx Cup list) once you win on a golf course you're pretty much comfortable at all times going back.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Five People that Won't Win this Week at Colonial

I've decided in golf, it's too damn hard to pick winners. You have all these guys and have to pick one to have a great week with some solid breaks and a little help from his competitors. With that said, I'm introducing my "Five Players that Won't Win This Week" section that I'll try to knock out on Tuesdays.

5. Chris DiMarco - Even though he seems like an authentic prick, DiMarco used to have some game and tends to play well in B-level tournaments. One he hasn't played well in - the Colonial. The Claw has only made the cut three times and has never finished better than 40th. Also, if you didn't already know this, he's a prick.

4. Bubba Watson - Oh come on, it's not that easy of a pick. I love Bubba Watson, think he's pretty goofy and is fun to watch and hits the ball a country mile, I just don't think he can win at a ball-shaping course like Colonial. His only start in Fort Worth he shot 65 the first round and followed it with a 77 to miss the cut. As Joe Morgan would say, consistent.

3. Kenny Perry - What a risky choice, you say? Yes, I know he finished second last week and yes, I know he's won twice on this golf course and finished runner-up another time. I'm aware he enjoys Colonial like celebrities enjoy commando, but that playoff loss last week is a tough one to bounce back from. I'm say, NO win for Kenny.

2. Geoff Ogilvy - Honest question - have you ever seen a Kangaroo in Texas? Exactly.

1. Anthony Kim - Have you noticed that the further down the list I've gone, the riskier I've become? I think Anthony Kim might be the third most talented golfer on tour, but don't think he wins again until the end of the year. Belt buckle-less people all around the nation rejoice together.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Seve Said he's Sick of Success

You know it isn't good when one of the best European Ryder Cup players ever is hoping that the Americans can notch a victory in the 2008 Ryder Cup so the thing isn't so damn boring.

Over at the Fanhouse they have the story, complete with a great quote.

"They need to win badly," said the five-time Major winner. "I hope the Americans win this year in all seriousness.

I find it very hard to believe that Seve really wants this to happen, but I can understand his point - hell, the Presidents Cup is more exciting than the Ryder Cup, which isn't good consider Mike Weir is involved.

I'm not trying to be an American homer, but I don't see this as complete European dominance, I just see it as their team has played better than ours at certain times the last few years. I think with the addition of people like Hunter Mahan and Zach Johnson you could see some young talent getting the team a little fired up. Oh, and we won't have Davis Love III there anymore, which isn't a horrible thing (third all time in matches lost, but Tiger is second, so, ya know...).

Anyway, mark this as the first of Ryder Cup trash talking - a really good European player is begging the Americans to win so people will be excited about it again.

Is Lorena Ochoa Serious?

I can try to sit here and be fair-minded, letting everyone know how much I think women's sports deserve just as much credit as the males do, but I'd be lying and I'm not particularly happy about that, it's just how I feel.

With that said, if Tiger Woods was on a run like Lorena Ochoa was right now, they would change "PTI" to "Tiger Discussion '08." Honestly, is anybody watching this? This girl has won six of her nine starts this season after taking home the Sybase Classic yesterday.

On the heels of Annika Sorenstam announcing her intention of retiring after this season, Ochoa showed why it isn't a bad time to be getting out of the game. Sorenstam was in contention at times this week but finished a disappointing tie for 11th, with all but one competitor that beat her being younger than Annika.

I think it's tough at times to hang them up when you've still got it, but Ochoa is that writing on the wall for Sorenstam and this weekend was a great example of that.

Usually You Wait Until After You Win to Jump in the Lake

Most everyone has seen the video of Woody Austin falling in the pond at the Presidents Cup last year, which was funny until everyone took it too far and started calling him Aquaman.

Some guy named Richard Finch did a similar thing yesterday at the Irish Open on his way to winning the damn tournament. As cold as it looks in some of these pictures and videos, I'd probably walk off after falling in and this guy wins the damn thing.

(Also, some really random background noise so maybe just watch it and avoid listening to it)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Advice to Men Everyone - Get Married Near a Golf Resort

With all the stuff that happened in the golf world - Lorena Ochoa beat Annika Sorenstam, some guy named Ryuji Imada won the PGA Tour event - that it was sad I was tied up in a middle-of-nowhere golf resort in south Texas for a wedding and golf extravaganza.

If you're a guy and you aren't thinking of having all your guy friends stay at the golf resort area near the wedding, you really need to rethink how hard the lady in your life wears the pants. This weekend was probably the best idea one of my buddies has ever had, having a golf course in Boerne, Texas at a place called Tapatio Springs that has 27 holes, with all three nine holes being completely different (one is target golf, one is more risk-reward with three par-5s and a drivable par-4 and the last is a traditional country club-style layout).

Anyway, I've decided that if you're hosting a wedding it's a must to have a golf resort within fives miles of the wedding destination. As I was thinking this should be a law like throwing trash out or tripping old ladies, I was thinking of other things that should be stapled rules at a wedding. Here is my mediocre list...

-Like before, a golf course has to be close, but more than that, Saturday morning should be a mandatory golf-best ball-scramble sort of format between all the guys. This is the best mans responsibility, so a few weeks before the wedding you need to lock up five or six tee times for all the people in the morning, between 9 AM (not too early) and 10 AM (gives you plenty of time to finish and possibly fit in a couple more holes if necessary).

1.) I think people should start letting people know what they are expecting at the wedding. Wedding inviations are so corny and old school, this trend should be bucked and we should start thing sent out in Times New Roman with notes at the bottom. The notes should include:
-What sort of alcohol situation will the guests be encountering (open bar, beer wine and margs, no alcohol)
-How long it takes to get from the city you're staying to the wedding so people can prepare accordingly.
-If any of the bridesmaids are hot.
-What food will be served, and if it's going to be small portions, note this so people can knock out some Whataburger on the way.
-If the wedding is inside or outside...
-Also, I think picking an after-wedding party destination isn't a bad thing to plan.

2.) I understand religion is a big part of getting married, but I think if you're going to head down that street, make sure you aren't stopping at every house to tell people how GREAT it really is. I think the maximum amount of prayers should be two and I think a sermon is OUT. Nobody likes watching the bride and groom rub hands nervously as a preacher-sort is telling old wedding stories just to wrap them around a theme about how important love is. We know love and loyalty is important, these two people have probably been thinking about this for a WHILE.

3.) If there is a bar area at the wedding, have some sort of a small TV in the area in case an important sporting event is going on.

4.) I'm pretty sure if you're playing rap music at your wedding, you can go ahead and pick up divorce papers on the way home, just so you don't have to when you're all hot and bothered eight months later.

5.) Also, bridesmaids that aren't married or engaged but are dating someone should have some "have a boyfriend" ring thing so they don't get hit on by every single guy next to the groom's grandpa in the room. Here's the thing - Will Ferrell and Owen Wilson have pretty much implanted an idea of "everyone gets laid" with that movie, and every guy between the ages of 17-35 that are single have seen this movie and think it's that easy. Now, they all go to weddings with three Trojans in their pocket and have their eye on every single lady that is wearing a dress and not serving cocktails at the reception. I think we should have a "I have a boyfriend" ring that is like a big black band or something just so the guys know and aren't spending 45 minutes trying to hit an invisible golf ball. This almost seems too easy not to have already happened.

6.) Things that aren't acceptable in the class department:
-Hooting or oohing when the bride and groom kiss.
-Swooping a girl when the guy that was talking to the girl has to take pictures.
-Saying anything negative about the couple at the wedding.

I'm sure I'm missing some stuff but it's early Monday and after 93 holes of golf in three days, I'm beat and pretty worthless.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Annika Sorenstam's Top Ten List

I'm not going to say that Annika Sorenstam has the comedic timing of an old Converse basketball shoe, but it's pretty damn close.

The recently announced retiree was on David Letterman with a top ten list concerning her reasons for stepping away from golf.

I'd have to say, number two is by far my favorite one.

Also, great Letterman save with the "drive for show and putt for dough" comment.

From the Fanhouse

President Bush Has Stopped the War (on Birdies and Bogeys)

More than anything in golf, I hate the following:

-Hole in one stories
-Golf cliches ("I'd rather be lucky than good" - God I hate these things)
-When our President is playing golf during a time of war in our country

Good news for me - Perez Bush told Politico that he decided in August of 2003 to quit golf because he didn't think it was fair to families to know their President was out trying to break 90 when they just found out their son died in Baghdad.

You know, of all the good ideas Bush has had in his tenure (and you couldn't count them on your bomb-stricken fingers) this has to rank about as high as it gets. Think about it - he saw a problem, thought it out, used reasoning to resolve the problem and took the initiative.

If Bush gives up reading "The Pet Goat" at night for good we're going to know he is really looking at the big picture.

From With Leather

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Why You Should Care about AT&T Classic...

I know what you're thinking - shameless plug from a golf fan that writes a boring golf blog about golf because he loves golf and enjoys everything golf. I promise you, if I were to pick a time of the year to avoid golf tournaments as a whole, the break between the Players Championship and the U.S. Open is a pretty solid four weeks of boredom.

The Tour goes, AT&T Classic, the Colonial, the Memorial and the St. Jude before we land at Torrey Pines for our countries Open championship. This year you can pencil Tiger in for exactly zero of the next four and Mickelson for maybe two.

Anyway, you play the hand dealt, and this is where we are, at the beautiful TPC Apple Pie Sugarloaf for a tournament that has notched some amazing winners over the last few years.

I think you're in for a few weeks of young, exciting winners, with the obligatory Vijay Singh win tossed in. I think Anthony Kim, Hunter Mahan, or Zach Johnson have an amazing chance to pick up a victory before Torrey Pines and anytime one of those guys can win, it makes it better for the entire golf world.

Tiger Woods, the artist formerly known as David Duval, Phil Mickelson (thrice) and Retief Goosen have won this event so you know it isn't a chump golf course.

Also, it's televised by the Golf Channel the first two days (luckily you'll be at work) and then CBS over the weekend, so at least things get better with age. If you can't enjoy golf televised by the CBS crew, you might as well watch it on mute.

I think Zach Johnson defends, just because he's due and he's one of the biggest names in the field this week. (I would also like to remind everyone that I'm on the Hale-Bopp circulation of picking winners, and since I already picked Adam Scott this season, look for my next correct prediction around 4384.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

This is one of those stories that needs a picture to really sink in our hearts.

via Deadspin

UPDATE: A picture of the incident over at Sports By Brooks.

Annika Sorenstam to Retire after '08

In really strange, John Elway-style news, the AP is reporting that Annika Sorenstam is going to retire after this season.

Sorenstam is only 37-years old, which would be like Tiger Woods hanging up his really sweet Nike golf shoes in five years.

I'm a little torn on this idea, but I guess it's because I'm really competitive but at the same time would enjoy swimming around "Ducktales" style in my gold coin vault.

Annika has won 72 tournaments and ten majors, so she obviously don't have a lot to prove, but a Lorena Ochoa-Annika Sorenstam battle might be really good for the LPGA in the coming years.

I guess when it's time to go, it's time to go.

(Also, that is two LPGA posts in a row here at DTCC, a new record)

Lorena Ochoa in the Time 100

If you haven't picked up your Time magazine this week, maybe you should check your mail (And put down that "Highlights" issue for five damn minutes).

Lorena Ochoa made the Time 100 for most influential people in the world or something like that.

Ochoa was honored not only for her recent domination of the LPGA circuit but for the new schooling she has introduced in her hometown of Guadalajara, Mexico.

Nancy Lopez wrote the piece on Lorena, and explains the accomplishments:

Early in her career, Lorena recognized the opportunity to use her fame to improve education and reduce drop-out rates in her country. She first created a self-named foundation and subsequently funded an elementary school called La Barranca in her hometown. The school, which uses music, theater and other non-traditional learning tools to keep students engaged, will soon be joined by an adjacent high school.

Anyway, from a proud Arizona Wildcat, congrats Lorena (hey, and she talked to me one time back in the day!!!).

Tiger Woods - One with Pine-Sol

This is fairly dated, but I'm a blogger and only check one website a day (this one), so whatever.

From The Onion comes a rather humorous article about Tiger Woods trying to land Pine-Sol to his already loaded list of companies with his face on their product.

My favorite line - "And if there's still any doubt in your mind, think about this: If I've convinced an entire populace that I drive a fucking Buick, I can sure as shit sell a bottle of Pine-Sol."

Monday, May 12, 2008

And He Is Always on Their Mind....

You know, intimidation in sports just landed a new definition - when someone thanks a person for not showing up to an event so said person could win.

Sergio thanked Tiger Woods for not playing the Players (playing in the Players? Sounds like a Jermaine Dupri song) Championship after he received the trophy from Phil Mickelson yesterday. You know Phil loved hearing someone say that in front of him.

From The Big Lead via In the Weeds

A Day After....

Say what you want about Mr. Sergio Garcia (and by the end of this, I probably will) but his win yesterday at Sawgrass was pretty damn impressive once you look back on it all.

Garcia made one bogey on his last ten holes, including the playoff "par," and made the necessary pars when it counted. Sergio is the only Spaniard to win the event and only the second European ever to win the Players (That is, if you count Scotland as a country in Europe, damn "historians.")

It is worth noting that this was Garcia's first PGA Tour win since 2005 and a pretty impressive playoff comeback, considering the sickening playoff loss at last year's British Open, a tournament Serg had control of pretty much the entire week until it was all over. Sergio was without a top-10 finish this year and missed the cut at the Masters, so a win was highly unlikely in the big scheme of things.

With all the putting troubles he's encountered over the last few years, it was amazing to hear all the announcers talk about how well he was rolling the rock. I watched the tournament with a good golfing buddy of mine at a bar in Scottsdale and anytime he had a putt outside of about 15 feet we expected him to make it and anytime he had a birdie putt five feet or in we pretty much carded it as a par. This was most apparent on 16, when a short left-to-right birdie putt didn't even scare the hole (you could also use the birdie putt on the playoff hole as an example, but that one is too easy).

Garcia never broke 28 putts in a round, but was first in driving accuracy and first in greens in regulation, a stat that normally is high when he is in contention. I guess when it comes down to it, you rely on what you do well. Lindsay Lohan drinks, Adrian Grenier "acts" and Sergio tries to hit it close enough to where even he can't miss it.

I never thought I'd say this, but look out Torrey Pines. Sergio Garcia might be back.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Congrats to Ser-hee-hooo!

I have to hold a lot of personal and irresponsible angst when typing this, but Sergio Garcia won the 2008 Players Championship today on what can only be considered as an outlasting.

Garcia played the back nine in two-under, including an amazing par on the 18th hole in winds that would be mildly considered a gale and exaggeratedly considered a mini-hurricane.

Serg hit his tee shot on the last like everyone else - aim it at the middle of the fairway and hope that a slight draw keeps it in the fairway but hope that it can find a mild lie in the right rough. A punch short of the green and an amazing up-and-down for par landed him in a playoff with Paul Goydos.

Goydos played solidly all week and found himself in that awkward position of needing to par the two toughest finishing holes in golf to secure himself not only the biggest victory of his career but a life-defining moment, securing financial and job-security for the rest of his days. A win at the Players would mean the world to Goydos and a notch in the belt to Garcia, but it turned out that the golfer with the better resume did win at Sawgrass.

No matter your take on Garcia, with his Ryder Cup history, the spit in the cup experience or his constant whining and waggling, he's one of the best ball strikers in the world and a streaky putter can come around every now and again and make him a scary contender.

The shot in the playoff was a perfect example of this - nothing spectacular, nothing amazing, just a shot in the right spot to the right tier that trickled to nearly two feet after Goydos dumped his in the drink.

Tiger had the Masters in 1997, Mickelson had Augusta in 2004 and maybe Sergio will look back and have Sawgrass in '08. With as much talent as he embodies it would be a travesty if this was only the end.

Absolutely week-defining picture by Lyons/Getty Iamges

Friday, May 9, 2008

"The Golf Channel" is Really Stretching

In case you haven't been tuning in to "The Golf Channel" (+1 to you) you're missing out on this new "stat" they are keeping.

For some odd and unknown reason to just about everyone, last night TGC had something called the "Autograph Zone" or "Autograph Corner" or something really stupid that has players with real stats and is finalized with how many autographs said golfer had knocked out during the day.

A few questions:

-Does TGC do so well that it can afford to pay* an intern someone to follow around golfers after their round and log how many fucking flags they signed? I know oil and gas is doing well, but TGC?

-How is Sharpie not sponsoring this "idea"?

-Honestly, if you were the guy that had to follow Phil Mickelson around and log how many autographs, wouldn't you just lie? Does it have ANYTHING to do with anything? "Oh yeah, I saw Phil sign a couple of shirts, lets mark him down at about 119 for the day." I am convinced there isn't a single person in the world that would take this assignment from an editor and not just flub his numbers.

Also, during the "telecast" of this, the "announcers" were gushing about Mickelson, talking about how he "always takes time out for his fans" and more boring stuff that shouldn't matter when talking about golf. Mickelson could be the biggest asshole in the world, throwing his three-iron at children after a bad shot and writing "If My Signature is Worth Waiting Half and Hour You Need to Re-evaluate everything" to people and he would still hit the ball well and make putts.

Would you Lookie There...

For all those people that were trying to convince your water cooler buddies that Anthony Kim had the game to go back-to-back, you are officially on the map.

Kim is one-under today at Sawgrass and three-under for the tournament, currently in a tie for fourth place. The WUNDERBOY had it at four-under after two early birdies but decided to toss a bogey on the card to color it up on his card.

Jim Furyk is the low man so far today, going three-under through his first seven holes, but has that pesky 17th to deal with right now. I found it extremely funny that Ernie Els said yesterday they should "blow the 17th up." Can you believe he said that after making triple on that little bitch?

A lot of the leaders don't tee off until this afternoon, including Mr. SER-HE-HO who probably bought his putter a lot of nice things last night after just 1.68 putts per green.

The D'Antoni Confusion

You know, I'm all about people wanting to make a ton of money. Lawyers, crooked doctors, Stephon Marbury shitty point-guards - all these people find making money more important than anything else and there isn't really anything wrong with that - we are Americans.

My question is - why in the hell would Mike D'Antoni, a rather respectable coach who seems to be a stand-up guy (and take this with a Marvin Harrison grain of salt), want to coach the damn Knicks?

As Charles Barkley said a week or so ago on "PTI", nobody jumped on the Titanic as it was going down - that's just stupid.

D'Antoni could coach in Chicago, with young talent that has shown signs of "greatness" at times but thinks coaching in New York would be better? I'm sorry, a couple of million bucks more a year when you're already extremely wealthy just isn't worth that herky-jerky roller coaster in the Big Apple.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Sergio, Dimarco and Others at the Players

Wanna know something bananas? Chris "I have the Humor a Sewer Lid" DiMarco is 204th on the money list FedEx Cup points list in 2008.

DiMarco was ranked as high as 10th in the world back in 2005, but has since dropped off the face of the Earth because Karma is a bitch.

Anyway, DiMarco is two-under through seven holes today, a nice sight for Florida Gator fans around the world.

I guess May 8th is "Come Out of Hibernation Day" (God I have my ex doesn't come to the office) because along with DiMarco starting off well, Sergio Garcia shot a six-under 66 at Sawgrass to have the early lead in the Players.

Phil Mickelson and Fred Couples both finished with two-under 70s and Adam Scott is two-under through seven holes.

Really, without Tiger in the field it is actually a little refreshing to see all the big names playing well and not having to worry about Mr. Woods catching fire (The Golf Channel and the PGA just paid me $70 to say that).

Call of the Neighborhood Search, We've Found Sergio Garcia

Last night, on my way home from watching the Lakers game, I had a little conversation about Sergio Garcia with one of my friends.

He isn't a big Sergio fan, I'm pretty neutral, but we both agreed on something - for a guy with as soft a skin as Mr. Garcia, the British Open loss last year will hang with him for a very long time.

I'm not sure if his sister Mar was bugging my car, but something has lite a fire under the Spaniards ass, knocking out four birdies on his first seven holes and is leading the damn Players Championship.

I know, it's Thursday, and Sergio tends to disappear when it counts, but it's nice just to see the guy is still breathing.

Some other notables - Two time winner Fred Couples is three-under through 11 holes, defending champion Phil Mickelson is two-under through eight holes (with a birdie 2 on the 17th hole to boot) and Vijay Singh is one-under through eight.

Romo Doesn't Quaify for Open, ESPN Questions His Work Ethic (Sigh)

In case you missed the thrilling and breaking news, Tony Romo failed to qualify for the U.S. Open Sectionals yesterday despite wearing a ton of Masters gear.

I might have been hallucinating last night when I heard this, but at some point on "Sportscenter" one of the anchors suggested that by attempting to qualify for the U.S. Open, "experts" think Romo might not be completely committed.

Let me be the first to say, what a extremely large crock of Grandma's homemade shit is that. Romo has tried to qualify for the Open like five times and since he's "famous" he is now jeopardizing his team? You know, they're probably right though, Romo is the only quarterback playing golf in the off-season.

He did shoot a 75 despite making a double-bogey on his first hole, missing Sectionals by four shots. That is fairly impressive considering I played in a Byron Nelson Qualifier with him last year (he just has no discipline) and he shot 79.

Anyway, I hate to call out ESPN on accusing someone of golfing during a work week, because at Bristol, golfing isn't even a recreational option.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Players - Your Ehh, Maybes

The Players Championship starts tomorrow, and for golf enthusiasts that love watching golf without Tiger Woods, what an event it will be.

With so much talent still planning on making their tee time tomorrow, here is a preview of some of the "middle of the pack" guys and what they have done or what they need to do at Sawgrass to land at the top of the leaderboard.

Anthony Kim - It was inevitable that a young guy with as much talent as Kim possesses would take home a victory at some point in 2008. Nobody really thought he'd do it in such convincing fashion, five shots over Ben Curtis last week at the Wachovia Championship (ok, maybe his mom thought he would). Young guys seem to ride momentum so look out for probably the hottest guy on tour right now if he gets in stride like last week.

Stewart Cink - I'm honestly only putting him in here because he seems like a nice guy, but I'm not sure if Cink can really, you know, win stuff. It's crazy that as regular as he is on Sunday telecasts, the guy has only notched four PGA Tour wins in his career and hasn't since 2004. I guess my previous call on it being Jim Furyk time might need to carry over to Stewart. Lucky for him, Tiger won't be there to embarrass the ever-living shit out of him.

Sean O'Hair - Did anybody hear the story of O'Hair and his dad? Supposedly the guy was a real dick. Anyway, O'Hair had a chance last year to take home his first "big" tournament win but dumped two balls in the water on 17 for an ugly 7 and a drop from second to 11th place. I guess the advice - play just like you did last year, just don't make a 7 on 17 on Sunday. Yep, fatherly advice.

Davis Love III - (holds in laughter) You know, for all the struggles he's had (has to turn away from computer screen) you could really see Davis turn it around (chuckles begin, stomach hurting) on a golf course (crying, stomach killing) like Sawgrass. (hahahahahahahahahahahaheheheheehheehehehehehehehehahahhaahahahehehhhohohhohohohohoheheheehehahahahahahahaah)

The Players - Your Favorites

The Players Championship starts tomorrow, and for golf enthusiasts that love watching golf with Tiger Woods, what an event it will be.

With so much talent still planning on making their tee time tomorrow, here is a preview of some of the favorites and what they have done or what they need to do at Sawgrass this week.

Vijay Singh - Even though he's never won, it's Vijay's home track and he's played pretty well there the last few years. If you looked at one thing (and it's the only thing) that speed bumps our boy on the course it's the putter, so what better track to get the feel for the greens than the one he practices on? If he's going to break through in a week, it sure will be a good week since he's not looking back over his shoulder at a guy in a red Nike shirt.

Adam Scott - Hey, it's our 2004 Players champion! Scott has already won this year and obviously hits the ball fairly solid, so he's always a threat if the flat-stick heats up. I wouldn't be surprised if Scott won for the second time here, as long as he can avoid any late round laziness that he seems to encounter (especially when water is around). I bet Scott wished Sawgrass was yanked from the roots and moved to Texas.

Phil Mickelson - Schmickelson is our defending champion, knocking out the TPC last year with three rounds in the 60s. It was the highlight of a season with not much roar and he's began 2008 with some rather meek performances by his standards (one win, four top-fives). Mr. Creative has to manage this course tee to green a lot like last year to have a chance, and try to avoid those pesky big numbers than can derail his cruise quicker than an In-N-Out Burger stop.

Jim Furyk - Quirky lives in Ponte Vedra and plays a lot at Sawgrass, plus, damnit, the guy is due!

Who are you liking this week? Any ideas?

Monday, May 5, 2008

Getting You Set for Players Week

Want to know something interesting? No player has ever won back-to-back Players Championships in the history of the tournament, dating back to 1974.

Only one player, Jack Nicklaus (surprise) has won the event more than two times. Needless to say, the Players is one of those venues that doesn't particularly fit any one golfers style, it's more of a "who is playing the best and gets a few breaks" golf course that is rare on tour. Tiger Woods has only won once, Phil Mickelson the same and Ernie Els, Sergio Garcia, Jim Furyk, Vijay Singh and Retief Goosen are a big Retief Egg at Sawgrass.

What should we expect from TPC Sawgrass this week?

No Tiger, Big Problem - a Tiger-less field just isn't the same, no matter how you pitch it. El Tigre makes the golf world spin 'round, and without him it's loses a little luster. The best case scenario is if Mickelson could go down the stretch with another big name and have someone collapse on 17.

Winners Win on the Last Three Holes - The par-5 16th hole is one you have to make four (or three if you're Davis Love). The par-3 17th is obviously one of the most famous holes in golf, even if it's just a wedge or 9-iron for most of these players. The 18th is supposed to be the toughest holes on the course, just ask Adam Scott when he won in '04. Maybe not exactly Amen Corner, but you could call it Exhale Ending, three holes you're probably happy to get through even-par.

Consistently Inconsistent - Big hitters, puny pounders, great putters, marginal greens-readers - nothing really fits the mold at TPC. We've had big hitters like Phil and Adam Scott win along with short knockers like Fred Funk and Stephen Ames. Hal Sutton preceded Tiger Woods, who was followed by Craig Perks (Exactly) and Davis Love III. Not much of a mold in that sentence.

The Players begins on Thursday, with six hours of coverage on the Golf Channel (sigh) starting at 1 PM eastern.

Great picture of the 17th at Sawgrass by Shuichi Kuga

The Belt Buckle Phenomenon

Without Tiger in the field, the PGA Tour has to hurdle through a ton of objectives to make watching golf interesting to the normal fan.

Sure, the tournament will always be on televisions at your local country club on Sunday afternoon, but why would the 30-handicap accountant and 60-year-old housewife contemplating gardening instead of golf viewing because Mr. Woods isn't in the field?

The Wachovia Championships were lucky to give us Anthony Kim, a 22-year-old star that keeps showing up in certain leaderboards and gives us a little hope in the 20-somethings of this pro golfing world.

Kim won by five shots over Ben Curtis yesterday, cashing a check just over $1.15 million and enjoying probably a better Cinco De Mayo than most of us would ever dream of (that is, unless you won the Powerball on Saturday, which means I and most of my friends hate you).

The younger generation is making their mark on the golf world, not just with all the birdies, but also with a touch of fashion. Gone are the days of the Payne Stewart knickers, here are the times of fancy belt buckles. With all the sponsors the pros are donning these days, it's hard to find a place to be able to stick your own style in your outwear. Kim, along with Rory Sabbatini and others, do it with the belt.

I can't really say I'm in love with the fashion, but if you were a Nike guy that had the same clothes choice as Stewart Cink, you'd probably want to flair out a little bit.

Since 1991, only three golfers not named Phil Mickelson, Tiger Woods or Sergio Garcia have managed to win a PGA Tour event under the age of 23 (David Gossett, Sean O'Hair and Kim). Breaking through at a young age just doesn't really happen these days unless you have some serious game and AK seems to bring it.

Maybe, just maybe, we could have a young gun win a major in the next couple of years so sports writers around the nation would have someone to compare to Tiger. Yep, those stories wouldn't get old.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Getting to know your Wachovia Championship Leader...

Right now, Jason Bohn is leading the Wachovia Championship at eight-under, and most don't really know who this guy is. Nope, he isn't Matt Damon's character in that trilogy he was on. Nu uh, he isn't the round-ball striker from the U.S. Open a couple of years ago. He's Jason Bohn, and here are a few things he's done in his life.

-Won the 2005 B.C. Open.

-Graduated from the University of Alabama

-According to his Wikipedia page "in 1992, while a sophomore at Alabama, Bohn was playing in a charity fund-raiser in Tuscaloosa when he made a hole-in-one worth $1 million. Bohn dropped his amateur status and golf scholarship on the spot and turned professional."

Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Bohn.

Your Daily John Daly Update Take Two

The adventures of John Daly never get old. Divorce, singing, Hooters, Miller Lite, breaking hotel rooms, a little golf, losing millions in Vegas - all of it spells out his L-I-F-E on a daily basis.

Our boy opened the Open de Espana yesterday with a 75 but followed it up with a respectable two-under 70 today.

His consistent stats:

-1 eagle
-3 birdies
-11 pars
-3 bogeys

Daly is going to miss the cut in Seville by a couple of shots, but at least he didn't finish dead last (Rafa Echenique, you suck!).

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Your Daily John Daly Update

It's later in the day, so nothing can really get you up for the remainder of the day like a John Daly update. (You know, other than the news that Red Bull is coming out with a Cola - so pumped.)

I'm not totally familiar with the European Tour dress codes, but I'm assuming Mr. Daly had to wear a shirt today in his first round of the Open de Espana in Seville, Spain.

Daly shot a three-over 75 to sit in a great tie at 115th position after uno day.

Another interesting fact about Seville - if you say "Gracias" to people, you have to actually lisp the word, kinda like how Texans say "pELLow" or Bostonians call it a "pAAAwk." See, we're so traveled here in these parts.

Mr. Daly's round, broken down:

Four Birdies
Eight pars
Five Bogeys
One Double Bogey

John Daly - Mr. Consistency.

The DTCC Jinx? Feel the power.....

I was keeping up a little with the Wachovia Championship leaderboard today, occasionally glancing at it over exciting Spreadsheets. Mr. Vijay Singh was doing well and I decided to write a little about it.

Then, (cue scary music) Vijay inexplicably goes bogey-double bogey on 16 and 17 to finish with a disappointing two-under 70 (dum dum dum).

David Toms fought through the evil curse, knocking out a five-under 67 to take the clubhouse lead. Also, Schmickelson shot a respectable 68 today to be one shot back of Toms.

If David Toms and Phil Mickelson got in a fight, who would win?

Clemens Pulls From Daly, What is this World Coming To?

I would like to preface this analogy with the following - I'm not a big "Entourage" fan anymore, mostly because the actors are terrible and the future script's ceiling is so low oompa-loompas would have to duck, but I think this line works.

Concerning the recent "Roger Clemens having a relationship with John Daly's ex-wife", "If I was going to cheat on my wife, I'd get an Asian with pointy nipples or a Blonde with huge bombs but an exact fucking replica?"

Switching John Daly for Roger Clemens is a little like trading your Ford F-150 for, umm, a red Ford F-150? I think that's a little strange.

Anyway, I'm sure the rumors are lies and none of it is true, mostly because I'm linking blog-to-blog which, according to some people is like rooting for terrorists or beating your kids for making A's.

Vijay Singh Really Likes Quail Hollow

There are people in this world that enjoy some things more than others.

George W. Bush enjoys baseball over other sports, Tiger Woods enjoys trophies over, um, not trophies(?), and Vijay Singh enjoys Quail Hollow, the site of the Wachovia Championship this week.

Papa Fiji has never finished out of the top-10, and is in that driver seat right now to notch another one as he is buffing out the dents to a first round four-under.

Singh is tied with Jason Bohn and David Toms (2003 winner) Phil Mickelson lurking (great golf word) a shot back.

Vijay Singh is like the Raphael Nadal of golf, minus the muscles and tendency to wear sleeveless shirts.