Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tiger Woods, Vanity Fair, Michael Jordan and Girth


If Tiger Woods was hoping that going back to the golf world would rid him of all the cheating stories, he is going to be disappointed.

Vanity Fair hits the newstands on Wednesday with a story that makes nearly all other Tiger reports obsolete; actual testimonies from people that were both inside Camp Tiger and Tiger was inside.

The story highlights John Merchant, a lawyer that once was friends with Tiger and worked closely with him until Earl fired him after disagreeing with Tiger's dad taking a $1 million cut of his initial Nike deal, and gets actual quotes from ladies connected with Tiger throughout the entire sexual ordeal.

Merchant goes on record as to blame none other than Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley for being bad influences to Tiger throughout his professional career. Along with that, some interesting tidbits of how the actual cheating process worked is revealed by some of the ladies, including the admission that yep, Tiger sure is cheap.

-- Tiger would tip waitress 15 percent.

-- Tiger would fly the girls on Southwest Airlines (DING!).

-- Tiger wouldn't give any of the girls any "play around" money.

We also learn some stuff that will make any man not a holder of 14 major championships cringe about.

Mindy Lawton said she grabbed his penis. "Wow," she said. "It was the biggest I've ever seen."

Yeah, of course he does. It isn't like the man that had everything in the world (money, talent, hot wife, cute kids) didn't need an anaconda to boot.

But the story shows more about Tiger than anything. While we've always talked about what he did have, we seldom focus on what he didn't have. Social skills. The ability to actually be cool. (need an example ... watch the commercial where he tries to be suave alongside Derek Jeter. It's like asking Sean Williams Scott to act next to Spencer Tracey.) The knowledge of what really goes on.

Maybe my favorite example of what I'm talking about came from this exchange between Lawton and Woods.

"Hi, this is Ti," the caller said.

"Who?" she asked.

"Tiger. A couple of friends and I are going out tonight to the Blue Martini, and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?"


He seriously called himself Ti? Like the rapper? Would it surprise you if Tiger had a barbwire tattoo around his bicep? Or if he enjoyed wearing white sunglasses and jean shorts?

As with anything Tiger, some of this story is probably false. Nobody can totally remember details of what happened years ago, but for the most part, it all fits the guy that we now know as Mr. Woods. A guy that felt he was bigger than the situation, and felt that he couldn't be caught. Now he has been, now he is heading back to the golf course, and hopefully this will be one of the last of these types of stories to come our way.

2 comments:

Mel said...

I think you have made one of the most astute observations about this whole sordid mess. Tiger was a young black man playing a middle aged white man's game and what he really wanted was to be something else entirely. He wanted to be cool. When I saw the Leibovitz photo from Vanity Fair I wondered if that was how Tiger saw himself or if that was who he wished he was. The whole thing is sad. Just sad.

Bob said...

BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Inks Major New Endorsement Deal with Casanova Cola

http://stupidassnews.wordpress.com/2010/03/31/tiger-to-rep-new-casanova-cola/

Smile, God loves you! :-)