Saturday, January 30, 2010

Dude, Come On

Rickie Fowler wore this outfit on Friday at Torrey Pines. He stated after the round that he and Clifford the Big Red dog had got into a bit of a serious card game, and Fowler ended up losing a lot of money. Since he is short on cash, Rickie promised to wear this outfit if Clifford didn't bite his leg.

Seems logical enough, eh?

Friday, January 29, 2010

On the DL

I was a guest with Dan Levy on his always incredible "On the DL" Podcast Thursday. If you have a minute, check it out. The guy is really, really good at his job, and we laugh! HOORAY!

Phil Mickelson's Wedges, and Why He Needs to Ditch 'Em

No matter the rules in existence today, there is probably a way to bend around them. Phil Mickelson is doing exactly that in his first tournament of 2010, and he's getting some serious criticism for it, as he rightfully should.

Here is the deal. As you know, the USGA (and the R&A) decided that the best plan of attack to negate the rise in technology in the golf world was to scale back grooves, so this year they basically made conforming grooves 40 percent less deep, putting a premium on hitting the fairway and not be able to zip the ball back when in rough. It was a decent idea, not the best, but it is in place and golfers must follow it.

The problem with the rule was, some irons, like the Ping Eye 2 wedges (and if you have a dad that plays golf, trust me, he knows about these wedges) were accepted under a grandfathered clause set back in the early '90s. So, basically, you could use nasty wedges instead of the ones today because of an old rule that can't be changed. Legal? Yes. Legit? Not so much.

Phil Mickelson (Along with Hunter Mahan, John Daly and others) have put the Ping Eye 2 wedges in the bag this week, and a few of the PGA Tour players are absolutely up in arms about it.

Here are some of the reactions.

"It's cheating, and I'm appalled Phil has put [the grandfathered club] into play," Scott McCarron, a three-time Tour winner, told the San Francisco Chronicle."All those guys should be ashamed of themselves for doing that ... As one of our premier players, (Mickelson) should be one of the guys who steps up and says this is wrong."

"I don't like it at all, not one bit," added Rocco Mediate. "It's against the spirit of the rule."

So, a few things to hit before we dig into the spirit of the decision.

Is it "cheating" as McCarron called it? No, not really. It's legal, and the wedges are "fit for play," but they aren't really conforming. It's a very gray area in the rules, but it is what it is. Not much is going to change it, but the fact of the matter is, these wedges spin the ball better than the new wedges companies are being forced to make. Basically, it would be like a race where everyone had the same engine, but someone came with an old car that claims to have the same horsepower, but is really souped up well past what the numbers say, everyone knows it, but there isn't anything they can do about it. The fast car is going to give that driver an advantage.

Mickelson has been against the groove changes this entire time, admitting on Wednesday that he hated the rules vehemently.

"This is a big change. I think it's a ridiculous change. I think that it costs each manufacturer millions of dollars. I think it's confusing, and I don't agree with it one bit," Phil said.

Sure, it is a little ridiculous, but Phil needs to understand a few things. First, it actually helps him. For a guy that hits it as far as he does, and is so good around the greens, taking grooves down a notch just plays into his hands. Second, doing something like playing wedges that are sketchy at best makes him look even more like an asshole to his peers than they already think. Why do something that is going to create even more hatred amongst your coworkers? Just do what they're doing. Last, he was already using Callaway conforming wedges last year, so why not go back? One of the things I've heard about some of the higher lofted wedges (like a 64 degree) is that the new grooves make it almost obsolete. The ball rolls up the clubface and is just too inconsistent to rely on. If that is the case, just take it out of the bag. Hit a 60 degree. You'll look better at the end of the day.

Maybe it isn't cheating, but it sure isn't very noble. Phil might be changing his body and conforming his golf game, but he needs to remember that his perception around the golf world is what got him where he is. No reason to toss all that out the window for some wedge you used back in college.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Alright, Enough Already

These are John Daly's pants. These are John Daly's pants on drugs.

Thursday in San Diego, Daly woke up early, snuck into the San Diego Zoo, killed two zebras, skinned the carcasses and then wore his morning's work proudly on his legs, as he fired a 402-over 474.

Honestly, the Golf Channel showed probably 40 shots by Daly on Thursday, and the guy was playing like a dog. Someone in the production tent over there needs to Google "conflict of interest" tonight before this "showing Daly and trying to plug the show at the same time" gets completely out of hand.

Trust me, people watching golf on a Thursday know the show is coming. We don't need to see a guy fire 80 to understand that.

Pilot Pulls His Best Tim Clark, Lays Up on Golf Course

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is worse than when you're playing a few holes with some buddies, having some laughs, and some idiot lands his plane on the fairway next to you. CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE, AIRPLANE?!?!

An area near the 11th hole at a Houston golf course provided a smooth landing spot after a small plane ran out of fuel and glided on to the grass. The Cessna 170 was expected to be moved from Hermann Park on Tuesday. The unplanned landing of the single-engine plane happened Monday night on a flight from Lafayette, La.

Veteran pilot Brendon Ford says an apparent gauge problem led him to believe he had more fuel than he actually did.

All joke aside, it is nice that Brendon, and all the golfers, were safe after this happened, but I promise you this -- if I'm in a fairway and a goddamn plane is coming at me, I'm leaving the course and going straight to the bar. There are bad omens in golf, and then there is when you might get hit by a plane.

Like rainy days, that day just wasn't your day.

h/t Buzz

Hunter Mahan Laughs at Tiger Woods' Intimidation Factor

Here is a stat for ya ...

Tiger Woods, 33, has won 71 PGA Tour events including 14 majors.
Hunter Mahan, 27, has won one PGA Tour event and zero majors.

That didn't stop the stylish Mahan from saying that Tiger doesn't intimidate anymore, mainly because he lost a major he was leading after 54 holes and people saw a chink in his armor.

"We stopped being intimidated by him," Mahan said. "No one is scared of him. We saw Y.E. Yang play with him and flat-out beat him at the PGA last year. I think people have figured out he's just a human being."

You can't help but read that last line as a little nudge at the whole cheating fiasco. Yes, he's a human being, but you knew that before he lost to Yang at the PGA. Now, with all the infidelity stuff coming out, it makes it a lot easier to see Tiger as vulnerable, with the voicemail and the sex rehab and the "oh my life is perfect" veil being removed.

Mahan continued ...

"It's an opportunity to step up and show this is not a one-man tour," Mahan said. "Hopefully, Tiger will come back and be part of it, not the centerpiece."

I'll be honest, it hasn't been a one-man tour for about four years, but that still doesn't take away from the fact that golf needs TIger way more than they need EVERYONE else. Tiger could play 18 holes by himself in a made for TV spot and it would get more ratings than the Sony Open did.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tim Clark Defends The Wimpiest Move of All Time

You play to win or you play not to lose. Those are the two options you've got as an athlete. (As an Arizona Wildcat fan during the Lute Olson era, trust me, I know what it's like rooting for a team that is playing not to lose.)

On Monday at the Bob Hope Classic, Tim Clark, who has painted himself with the choker brush a few too many times, was sitting in the fairway of a par-5 that, and trust me on this, is a green light special. I've played the Nicklaus course at PGA West. I've played it from the backs. You hit a driver on that hole (the 18th this week for the Hope) and you go for it in two. It isn't that tough of a golf hole if you find the fairway.

Clark, who doesn't exactly fire the golf ball off his driver head (269.2 average this week), found the fairway like he normally does, but decided to lay up. Here is his explanation.

There’s a chance I could have gotten there, but great shot still would have left me probably over the ridge with a tough 30-footer down the slope.

My wedge game is my strength, so I knew laying it up, I hopefully wouldn’t have more than 10 feet. And I left myself a perfect 7 to 8-footer, not much to it.

So at the end of the day, I think I did what I needed to, to give myself a best look an at birdie there. I certainly didn’t want to throw away the tournament. If I hit my 3-wood there, it’s probably going to come up short in the water. A great shot is probably going to either leave me a long 2-putt or a chip from the back of the green, which I didn’t want either.

So I tried to play it the way I played the whole round and the whole week. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and try and do anything silly.

Now fellow golf fan, riddle me this ... the best wedge player in the world hits 20 shots from 90 yards and 20 putts from 30-feet ... which ones end up closer? The putts, of course. He's a professional golfer and 30-feet isn't even that much land to cover.

And, on top of all this, he wasn't even leading the tournament! He was tied for the lead, with a guy in the fairway behind him with plenty of stick to get home in two, and another guy behind him that was leading the field in driving distance, and needed an eagle to join the group at 29-under, where Clark sat.

The Bob Hope isn't some grind-it-out type event. It is birdies, birdies and more birdies. No matter the situation, you need to be thinking green light, pedal down hard, and go. Clark forgot this, and after wedging it up to eight feet, he missed a putt eerily similar to one he had to win the Colonial in '09.

Clark's decision was one that, at some events might have been sound. At the Hope, it was the wrong call, and it cost him, yet again, a chance at a trophy. Tim is three tournaments away from his 200th PGA Tour event without a win, and unless he figures out a way to close, I don't see him coming down the stretch and pulling one out anytime soon.

Stephen Dunn, Getty

Monday, January 25, 2010

Puma Golf Keeps Improving

I recently got a pair of these new Puma Cell Fusion Golf shoes, and I'll tell you, they are as comfortable as anything I've put on my feet in the last couple of years.

I'll be honest, I've always been partial to Nike golf kicks, but I wore these out for the first time walking and it was an absolute treat.

Also, they're one of the few pairs of golf shoes I've ever worn that received compliments and "Whoa, those are cool," love from golfers I didn't even know, but I'd like to think that is because I wear them so gracefully.

Go get a pair, and at least look good while posting that fourth 103 in a row.

Sergio Garcia Sure Knows How to Make Friends

You know when you're playing pick-up basketball, and there is a 6-foot-10 guy with bulging arms and an incredible vertical and doesn't seem to miss any jumpers while you're warming up? Yeah, you're going to want to pick him first, right?

Well, not according to Sergio Garcia. He thinks that the United States Ryder Cup team is better off without Tiger Woods, the 6-foot-10 guy in this analogy, and he believes that not having the best player in the world on your squad actually helps. Eureka!

"Tiger's absence made a difference. It made some of the other players step it up. They wanted to show everyone they could win without Tiger. Maybe when he's there, he's the leader and everyone falls in behind him. Without him, everyone wanted to be the leader. They played amazing golf. You could see a different energy in the team."

You know, Sergio does have a point here. In 2002, when the US lost to Europe 15.5 to 12.5, Tiger's 2.5 points probably didn't help much. Oh, and in '04, when he was mistakenly paired with Phil Mickelson, his two points weren't a factor as the Americans only mustered 9.5 total. But he's probably referring to 2006, when Tiger got three of the American's 9.5 points. Yeah, that must have been the case.

Listen, I'm all for chemistry, but if Kobe Bryant is on your team, you don't trade him because he is messing up morale. He's too damn good. There is a short list of people that are better than chemistry, and Tiger is one of them. Thinking he would make your team worse would make as much sense as filming a Michelob Ultra commercial where somehow, hitting a golf ball two feet from a gorgeous woman with a 7-iron would inexplicably make her attracted to you and not pissed that you nearly nailed her in the face with a golf ball.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

It Appears Tiger Woods Will Bang Anything

I mean, I know that girl in the front isn't exactly a 10, but the guy with a beard? Come on Tiger, you're better than that!

h/t Buzzzzbee

Why is Alice Cooper Playing Croquet?

The photo above is from the first round of the Bob Hope Classic in Palm Springs La Quinta, Calif., where it appears Alice Cooper is using some sort of croquet move to advance his golf ball down the fairway.

I wrote a little about what I thought of the so called "celebrities" still being a part of these tournaments, and how it doesn't make much sense when Derek Anderson (aka Horse Balls) is the most famous current NFL player in the field. You're telling me they couldn't get Tony Romo to fly over after that heartbreaking loss in Minnesota? The guy loves golf.

Anyway, check out my little ditty about the celebs and comment on what you think.

Happy 70th Birthday, Jack!

At some point in the next day or so, I'm expecting a phone call from my father. It isn't unusual, since we talk daily, but I'm sure the news will get to him that Elvis would be 75-years-old and Thursday marks Jack Nicklaus' 70th year on this Earth, and that will probably depress him. Two of his favorites, upwards of 7-0.

Nicklaus last won a major championship in 1986, his 18th victory in the big enchiladas, but he is still one of the most relevant faces in the golf world. If you have any respect for your golf game, you've played one of his Nicklaus design tracks. If you are a little older than me you probably had your hand on one of his golf clubs at some point in your life. And starting this year, he will be joining the ceremonial first tee shot at Augusta National.

The Golf Channel is running a little feature today on their website called, "70 things you don't know about Jack," that include fun little tidbits like, "he got his nickname from Australian sportswriter, Don Lawrence, who said in 1960 that Nicklaus looked like a big “cuddly, golden bear."

Also, I wrote a piece over at Yahoo! Sports about his near-win at the 1998 Masters, when he was 58-years-old and closed with a 68 to put himself in contention.

But alas, you can't talk about Nicklaus without the below video, which is non-negotiable as the greatest Sunday in major championship history. You can't argue it. It will not be topped. So, enjoy Jack at his finest, and remember him for all he has done for the golf world. He's a class act, and someone that enjoys golf more than a regular person should.

Happy birthday, Mr. Nicklaus, and thanks for the memories.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Those Sneaky Tabloid Vermin Might Have Spotted Sex-Ed'd Tiger Woods

Update -- So the NE (abbrev for National Enquirer, obvi) is out to get anyone posting their photo, even though they watermarked the little fucker to next Wednesday, so here is a picture of some idiot's bike, with tiger fur on it. If you see a person driving this motorcycle, you actually have, under law, the obligation to run him or her off the road.

The National Enquirer has the above pictures of a person that looks a lot like Tiger Woods, if you don't mind bypassing the obvious racism that goes along with the "if the guy is black at a sex clinic, it sure might be Tiger."

Beyond that, you can't help but look at the face and think Tiger, and a lot of other traits have me pointing in the Enquirer's direction.

Let us take a look ...

-- When Tiger is out casually, as he is at the above photo at an Orlando Magic basketball game, pre-Whoreville, his outfit is standard. Nike t-shirt, shorts and athletic shoes. As you see in both pictures, the socks are pretty similar, with both being the nerdy ankle type instead of the invisible ones most people wear these days.

-- Tiger has been known to drink coffee, which appears to be what is in his right hand, even though for all I know, it could be water or Jim and Ginger.

-- HIs legs. He has always had skinny legs, and the ones in the tabloid shot are pretty Tiger skinny.

Who knows, but for now, I guess we can all assume what we want to assume. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to shower the TMZ off of me.

Rain at the Bob Hope? Get Ready for It

One of my favorite parts about living in Scottsdale, Ariz. is when people come visit in the winter and the weather isn't ideal. The confused look on their face coupled with their insistence on only packing shorts and Tommy Bahama shirts is priceless, and goes back to my theory that people believe only what they want to believe.

So, when you hear that the Bob Hope, played in beautiful Palm Springs, Calif., might be getting some serious showers during the second and third rounds, it could confuse you. "Isn't that supposed to be a resort town," you scream while adding another log to your winter fire.

It is, with rain expected on both Thursday and Friday, and if it is anything like the showers we got last night in Phoenix, expect very little golf to be played after today's action.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Sergio Garcia Knows a Lot About Dealing With Marriage Problems

Remember back in May of 2009, when Sergio Garcia blamed his recent golf slump on his broken heart, saying, "I haven't been hitting the ball well. I think it's been a mix of probably being a little bit down and not really feeling like playing much"?

Well, Dr. Garcia, with her his certificate in love instruction, was back on the prowl when talking about Tiger Woods and his hiatus from the golf world, saying he thinks the top player in the game will be back sooner than most think.

"The best thing for Tiger at the moment is to get on the course and do what he knows best," said Garcia. "Only he knows when he is going to come back. I have got the feeling that it's going to be earlier that what everybody thinks."

Hum. See, this is why I love journalism. Most major news sites have this article with the title, "Sergio Garcia Thinks Tiger Will Be Back Sooner Than Later." The problem with that is, he doesn't really say that. He says he has a feeling, but he also admits that "only he knows when he is going to come back," basically the abridged version of "I don't know what the F I'm talking about."

Then, Professor Garcia dropped this gem.

"I think he (Woods) is very strong mentally and it's not like the break he had for injury a couple of years back when he had the knee problem," Garcia said. "If you can't walk you can't swing. It's different."

Things we learned from that quote ...

-- If you can't walk you can't swing
-- Not being able to walk and not being able to swing are different than cheating on our wife with 16 different females and crashing your Escalade
-- Woods is very strong mentally
-- The knee problem is different than infidelity

Basically, Garcia could have said the exact same thing we all said. Who the hell knows when this guy is returning? Nobody has seen him in nearly two months!

I'm fairly certain Garcia isn't good buddies with Tiger, so take these quotes like you take your whiskey. Watered down with ice.

I'm Assuming This Shirt Doesn't Have a Swoosh

Phil Mickelson's birthday isn't until June 16, but is this not the perfect present for Mr. Lefty? Get him one stat! {Via Wei via Confidential]

Monday, January 18, 2010

R.W. Eaks is Kind of a Dick

Last week, I was hitting golf balls at my local range when a kid approached me and we started chatting it up. Where did the conversation turn to? No, not Tiger Woods. It was a groove convo, and the kid brought up something that I hadn't really thought of before.

If you try to Monday qualify for something, you're going to have to get new wedges. Not really a cheap investment, by any means.

Well, a few days after our convo, this incredible story comes out, about 24-year-old Aaron Goldberg and 57-year-old cranky pants R.W. Eaks.

Goldberg, who played at San Diego State, shot a salty 63 in the Monday qualifier for the Sony Open, winning the tournament and placing him in the first full field tournament of the year. I guess that pissed off Eaks, who wasn't too shabby in just 65 strokes, but felt he had something to teach the youngster. Or he's just a dick. One of the two.

Eaks, who didn't even play the qualifier with Goldberg, asked tour officials to review the kid's grooves, which they did, and they passed, because he isn't an idiot.

"I knew they were getting checked," he said after shooting an even-par 70 in the third round at Waialae Country Club to remain one-over-par in his first Tour start, well before the last pairing of Ryan Palmer and Robert Allenby teed off. "But I thought that everyone was getting checked. I didn't know until Tuesday that I was the only one."

It appears Eaks didn't have any concrete evidence to back his groove claim on Goldberg, but did it just because. Maybe the best part of the entire story is that Eaks lost in a playoff for a spot in the Sony Open, making it Karma - 1, Old Cranky Assholes - 0.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh My God What Happened to John Daly!?!!?!?!

Seriously, is this Lap-Band, or did someone just photoshop half his body out of pictures? Think i'm joking? Look at the below photo of Mr. Daly.

If he hasn't lost 170 pounds, I'm a Sabertooth Tiger.

Accenture's New Ad Campaign Features an Elephant ... Surfing?

According to the Wall Street Journal, Accenture, the company that dropped Tiger Woods after all the infidelity stuff hit the fan, is going to be spending $40-50 million buckaroos on a new ad campaign that involves animals doing things that animals don't normally do.

The top photo is an elephant surfing, but don't you worry, because they have others. Like a frog leapfrogging other frogs ("Play quantum leapfrog") or another elephant (or maybe the same one, not sure how that works) balancing on a tree with the tagline, "You're never too big to be nimble," across the screen. (I'm rather disappointed they didn't go with my idea, of two dogs doing it missionary, with the line, "Creating their own doggy ... style.")

You know, instead of spending all this money to hack out all the old Tiger posters from airports and replace them with these ridiculous animal ideas, maybe Accenture should do this. Put a poster up with a couple of sentences that tell us what the fuck the company actually does. Hell, it is easier for me to explain Google Wave to my grandmother at this point than to try and figure out what someone at Accenture would be doing on a daily basis. Does anyone even know a person that works at Accenture? Are they even human?

Barack Obama on Tiger Woods

If you didn't think the Tiger Woods scandal was bigger than regular news before today, you should now. President Barack Obama was asked by People magazine about Tiger, and gave up a pretty mature, honest answer about the top golfer in the world.

"I'm a strong believer that anybody can look within themselves, find their flaws and fix them," he said. "I'm sure he feels terrible about what happened, and I suspect that he will try to put his life back together again."

This obviously isn't the first time Obama has been asked about what is going on in the tabloids. As you may remember, after the whole Taylor Swift - Kanye West fiasco, Barack was quoted as calling Kanye a "jackass," making Barack one of the more lovable men in the nation that day.

I think that most people, deep down in their hearts, want Tiger to come back after this a better man, and like most Hollywood movies (Ed Note: Watched "Smart People" again last night. If Dennis Quaid can change, so can Tiger), people can become better versions of themselves if they really want to.

I'm sure this isn't the first time Barack has talked about Mr. Woods, and probably won't be the last. I just know that in the near future, Tiger won't be getting an invite to speak at any Inaugurations anytime soon.

h/t Lady WeiWei

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

General Motors Denies Tiger Woods Free Cars

Much like you and I, Tiger Woods will now have to pay for any Cadillac or other General Motors vehicle after the agreement that Mr. Woods got free cars ended two weeks ago, for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

Even though Woods' endorsement contract for GM's Buick brand ended in 2008, Woods had been allowed to keep several vehicles, including the Cadillac SUV and reportedly a Buick Enclave crossover, for his personal use. But the agreement that allowed the world's richest professional golfer access to those new vehicles ended Dec. 31, said Buick spokeswoman Dayna Hart. The agreement was in place before the crash.

I always have a hard time believing that this was in place before the crash. Before the crash, Tiger was the man you want pushing your product, even if you aren't paying him, so if he was driving an Escalade for free, hell, free marketing.

Now, post CheatGate, he's the last guy you want sporting your Sports Utility Vehicle, so of course you're going to try and get them out of his hands as fast as possible.

Maybe the most interesting part about this articles? The Escalade Tiger crashed is getting repaired and will be resold. Now that will be a fun Ebay auction.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A History Lesson From Your Favorite LPGA Stars

Natalie Gulbis and the entire Solheim Cup team were in Washington D.C. today to meet President Obama in a congratulatory salute for their effort at the '09 Cup.

Gulbis tweeted this photo, which included the following caption -- "Michelle and I with Lincoln Memorial in background."

Sadly, that is the Washington Monument behind them, not the Lincoln.

It must be the college Gulbis attended. That horrible university can't teach anyone anything! Bunch of morons!

Wait, what was that? We went to the same school? Shit.

Umm, I blame ... the economy! Yeah, the economy!!

UPDATE: Natalie corrected her mistake, kinda, calling it the "Washington Memorial." Ummm, yeah.

Bubba Watson Auditions for New McDonald's Horse Commercial

Last month, I had the privilege of playing a round of golf with Bubba Watson, fellow left-hander, and I'll be honest, his short game impressed me more than his long drives.

It was on full display when Watson hit this trick shot at his house in North Scottsdale, off his back porch, over a roof and into his hot tub. What did he do to celebrate such a feat? He jumped in a 45 degree pool. Don't think pools get that cold here in Scottsdale? Below the video, is a photo of me, two weeks ago, jumping in a pool. I vouch for Bubba ... that shit is cold.

h/t Busbee

Monday, January 11, 2010

My Favorite Photo From The SBS Championship

I'm not exactly sure the dance move Ryan Moore was trying to pull off in this photo from round two at the SBS Championship, but I sure am glad he did it.

They call it "a reaction after a birdie putt," but I call it the Running Duckling.

Mel Gibson Feels Tiger's Pain

Most anything Mel Gibson says at this point is incredibly ridiculous, and should never be quoted the same way I wouldn't want someone sending my mom a video tape of my freshman year of college, but Gibson talked Tiger and, well, here ya go.

'I feel sorry for Tiger Woods,' he says. 'Why are we talking about this when we're sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? You've got this history-changing event going on and we're talking about Tiger's private life and golf injuries. He's being used as a diversion and it just drives me crazy. You come out savaged. I just think, 'Who cares?'

Probably the most interested part of this entire thing is how much Gibson sounds like commenters on major sports websites.




Okay, so maybe the last one doesn't apply, but you get the gist. Arguing that we shouldn't care about Tiger because we are sending troops to Afghanistan is, and I quote "The Hangover" here, too dumb to insult. This would only make sense if, say, it was 1951 and we only had a single news organization that got 30 minutes a night to get us all we should know. Now, if that was the case, I'd probably agree. Yep, they should spend their time with major issues.

Well, in case Mel didn't know, it isn't 1951, and we have millions of outlets that can report all sorts of things. Here, I'll give you a mini list of places you could go to get certain types of news. -- normal, everyday news -- hilarious celebrity gossip -- sports news -- Pictures of funny animals

See how easy that is? We have websites for EVERYTHING!

Rory, It's Like You Never Left At All

As you now know, Rory Sabbatini and his frumpy face shot a final round 63 on Sunday at the SBS Championship, but failed to make a birdie on his final hole, the always red-friendly par-5 at the Plantation Course. The birdie cost him a shot at a playoff with Geoff Ogilvy, but .... okay, let's be serious. I'm only posting about him because oh my god what are those pants.

Seriously, it looks like he got in a fight with bleach and lost. Thanks for always giving us bloggers something to write about, Sabbatini. Next week, might I suggest a sombrero?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Tiger Woods, Star of the New Cinema Sensation

I am only posting this because I find the line, "& lots of other chicks" fairly hilarious. Honestly, what did people do before photoshop, read books? Gross.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Obligatory Awards: A (Delayed) Look Back at 2009

Stephanie Wei and I decided to team up (Go team!) last week and come up with some categories that would help put a wrap on 2009. Since it is already 2010 and most of you probably don't even remember much of last year, I'm here to help you with one more refresher. Check Steph's post right here.

Most Absurd Whine

Remember back at this year's PGA Championship, when Y.E. Yang heroically defeated Tiger Woods to win his first major championship and debunk Woods' perfect record after 54 holes? Yeah, people made a big deal about Yang walking off greens before Tiger putted out, and visa versa. Listen, go to any professional golf tournament, and notice this -- everyone does this all the time. It is part of the trade. It seemed people were trying their damnedest to make Yang look like a jerk, when in reality, he was just being a professional golfer, focused on his game and his game alone.

Best Celebration

Stewart Cink's fist pump after the birdie dropped on the 72nd was great. Y.E. Yang raising the bag after his putt disappeared at the PGA Championship was fantastic. But this one was the best, hands down. Well played, Jason Hargett.

Biggest Choke Job

A birdie on the 16th hole at Augusta National gave Kenny Perry so much breathing room you'd think he could have just tossed the green jacket on before he walked to the 17th tee and played in while wearing it, a la David Simms. But as the annoying folks say, "that's why they play the game." Perry's bogey-bogey finish lost him Masters and the chance to be the feel-good story of the PGA Tour season. It also gave the public (read: men) less face time with Lesslye, his extremely attractive daughter.

Best Clutch Performance

Back in the summer of 2003, I was in a small airport on the east coast, flying back with my dad from a golf trip in Myrtle Beach. We, ignorantly, picked the early Sunday flight during the British Open, and were trying to catch the closing action before boarding. A man by the name of Ben Curtis was on the 72nd hole at Royal St. George's, with a par putt to post 69 on Sunday, and my dad and I both agreed -- if he makes this putt, he might just sneak into a Claret Jug. It was almost like you felt it. The same went for Stewart Cink at Turnberry this year. Failing to birdie the par-5 17th, you almost knew a birdie on 18 could get him into a playoff if Tom Watson started to stumble. When the putt dropped, you could tell he was thinking the same thing. The rest is history, but his 72nd hole birdie was as clutch as they get.

Best Cover-Up

At this point in sports, with all the news hitting the shelves about Tiger Woods and his ladies, I'd say the best cover-up this year is that nobody else has been dragged into the mud. You know these pro golfers are fooling around all the time, and partying and doing the dirty. I'm surprised we haven't heard of any other names. Stay tuned.

Biggest Girl Problems

I'm not sure if you heard, but apparently Tiger has a bit of a thing for girls. Yeah, we were as shocked as you. (Also, I'd like to take a second to give one of my final Tiger rants, and since Steph and I talked about this, I thought it was appropriate here. As golf bloggers, we are obliged to write about things like the Tiger scandal, but at the end of the day, we are all huge golf fans that started doing this because he have a thing for the sport. The Tiger thing crushed us as much as it crushed anyone (except for Elin), because he was our savior, the one most likely to walk on water (which he did, in an EA commercial for goodness sakes) and the one good guy in a world of shitty pro athletes. But above all that, the thing that really gets me about this is Tiger is either A.) way dumber than we all thought or B.) has such an ego that he believed he could continue to get away with all this because, as he once said, "He is Tiger Woods." So, it almost like Tiger duped us, just to show he is better than us, and that is what pisses me off. We all loved the guy, and he had to go and be an asshole like the rest of them. Thanks, bro.)

Best Feel-Good Moment

While some consider Phil Mickelson FIGJAM, nobody can look past what Phil and his wife Amy did for breast cancer this summer when she was diagnosed with the horrible disease. PGA Tour players wore pink. Phil added a ribbon to his hat. Awareness was plentiful. And if that wasn't enough, Lefty decided to play Bethpage Black, and nearly won the U.S. Open, his one unattainable tournament. Maybe it takes something bad to bring us a little closer, so I felt if Phil hadn't been "a man of the people" prior to this season, he sure is now.

Worst Australian

I have to side with Stephanie on this one and go with Greg Norman. A year ago he was nearly winning the British Open, and bringing his new wife Chris Evert around to caddie at the Par-3 Masters Tournament and hug and smile their way around the course. Now, he's divorced and arguably the worst captain in Presidents Cup history (and had to walk around Harden Park with a damn cast on his arm!). Hey, at least he didn't pick a slumping fellow countryman as one of his picks, to the grumbles of others. Oh wait ...

Best Tiger Temper Tantrum

Hey, fore right, gallery!

Least Interesting Golfer

I'm super happy to give this one out to one of my least favorite people on tour, Chris DiMarco. The guy walks around with a look like he just ate a bad sunflower seed, and hasn't been relevant since he nearly took down Tiger at the Masters in 2005. This past season showed DiMarco continue to struggle, carding just four top-25s, zero top-10s and ten missed cuts. On top of that, the former Florida Gator had to see his team suffer in the SEC Championship against Alabama, and he wasn't invited to a single major championship.

Biggest Feud

Anthony Kim versus Robert Allenby was one of the more entertaining, if not bizarre, athletic feuds of the year. If you don't recall, Allenby got absolutely obliterated by Kim in the singles matches at the Presidents Cup, only to complain about Kim partying until 4 AM, saying, "Maybe we should all take the theory of Anthony Kim. Get home at 4 o'clock (in the morning) and then go shoot 6 under."

The best part is the two met again at the Volvo World Match Play Championships, and this picture below was their handshake. Yeah, they look happy to see each other.

Favorite Tiger Mistress

I'm a fan of originality and first to come forward, so I've always had a little soft spot in my heart for Rachel Uchitel. She came forward about this to start, admitted to doing some drugs with Tiger and has been in the rumor mill since about possibly maybe could be hanging with Tiger even after all the news hit. She just seems like the type of girl you'd want to take home to meet your current wife.

The Tom Watson Award

Man, the guy should have won that damn tournament. We love you Stewart, but it would have been the golf story of the decade (that actually dealt with golf).

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

This Just In -- A 20-Something Famous Person May Have Done Drugs!!

In a piece by the National Enquirer, a cart girl (Ed Note: Working at a golf course before, if there is one person you can trust through and through, it's the cart girls) claimed she hung out with Tiger Woods in 1999 and did some ecstasy with him.

It is almost like Tiger is .... human! He was single, went out with a girl and did some drugs. Maybe we should bound him to the Lincoln Memorial and cast stones at the man until we right of him of such a disgusting act.

“Tiger and I were partying in Studio 54 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas when we did Ecstasy together," said Susie Ogren.

To be honest, the only thing I see wrong with this entire story is the fact that Tiger was partying at Studio 54 in Las Vegas! Listen, I barely have any money at all, and I don't go to Studio 54. I'd rather be in Reno.

She went on to say Tiger " took the pill so casually that it seemed to me he was used to doing it," which makes a ton of sense until you realize that ecstasy pills are exactly like any other pill you've ever taken in your life. It isn't like he had to swallow a Rubik's Cube to get high. This is a small pill you knock back with a drink. Oh Tiger, the pill virtuoso!!

I mean, he cheated and that was messed up, yada yada yada. But find me a man in his 20s that has millions of bucks and didn't experience with some random drugs and I'll find a man that is hiding skeletons in one of his 30 closets. Also, if you judge someone for something he did, while single, at one point in his life, you probably are the same guy that protests outside of a Wendy's when they raise the prices on the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Just sayin' ...

h/t SbB

Jack Nicklaus Set to Make Another Mark at Augusta National

There are moments that take athletes into rare air. Michael Jordan hitting the jumper against the Jazz in 1997 took him from "top five of all time" to "best player to ever touch a basketball." Lance Armstrong claiming his sixth straight Tour de France was something of legends. And Jack Nicklaus, winning the greatest golf tournament ever, in 1986 at the ripe age of 46, took him into another world with golf historians. The guy not only dominated in his prime, but for one day, on his favorite golf course, he could post a back nine that will forever live in hearts of dimple lovers.

Like Cherry Hills is always linked with Arnold Palmer, and the Old Course at St. Andrews rings in with Peter Thomson, Augusta is Jack's playground, and good news came off the wire a couple of days ago when it was announced that the Golden Bear would be joining the ceremonial first tee celebration to ring in the Masters.

Nicklaus said he never wanted to be a part of this event, probably because of pride more than anything else, but Arnold Palmer asked him to join and he accepted, with Gary Player probably on his way to the first tee soon enough to complete the big three.

There isn't much more I can say about Jack and Augusta without ruining it, so here is a video, of that day in 1986, the best golf day ever and one that still, until I'm 80 and ceremonial first tee age, will give me goose bumps to rival the Rockies.

The Wait Is Over (Kinda)

As you probably heard, the PGA Tour season kicks off on Thursday at the Mercedes SBS Championship, a tournament that will couple 28 players together at the Plantation course in Hawaii to try and win an early invite back to this same event next season.

While it isn't a full fledged PGA Tour field (come on, 28 guys?) , it is past winners and it does have a pretty solid group of attendees, including Steve Stricker, Kenny Perry, Sean O'Hair, Y.E. Yang and Geoff Ogilvy.

Along with those are some other intriguing names, like Ryan Moore (is this his breakout season?), Zach Johnson (is he still rocking the white belt/pink shirt combo?), Retief Goosen (I was worried he had passed away!) and Lucas Glover (Still waiting for one sound bite by this guy that will interest me).

The joy of the PGA Tour season is it really never ends. There is time away, especially for the bigger names, but you can only hibernate for a couple of weeks if you don't want to miss any intriguing golf.

So, the big question is this ... come Thursday, will golf be the big story in the golf world (naturally), or will Tiger Woods still be the big story in the golf world? A reasonable guess is Tiger, since he has been the domination story in the sports world for the past month or so, but it would probably help the PGA Tour if a decently big name could come in and win this Sunday, hopefully pushing the headlines towards actual golf and away from jersey chasing females.

No matter, I think I speak for most golf fans when I say, "PGA Tour season is back? I couldn't be happier."